My New Best Friend

I was in Dallas in early June. I had the privilege of being invited to the inaugural Asian American Pastors Community facilitated by Leadership Network in partnership with the L2 Foundation, an organization committed to development of next gen AA pastors. [I laugh, because I've apparently been doing 'next gen' ministry for about 20 years now, except that the people remain in their 20's but I keep getting older! Why is that?]

The commitment to this thing is two years, a commitment I realize now is as much to the rest of the guys as it is to the process of leadership development.

If you know me, you know I'm totally cynical about conferences in general, and meetings with pastors in specific. So as we gathered for introductions, I was already feeling a bit skeptical about the whole thing when it came my turn to speak, and I said as much: "I'm grateful for being here, but I hate these things..." Right after I said it, I thought, "Crap, this sure is a nice way to make friends in a hurry!" I immediately regretted saying what I did, which was exasperated by the fact that for the next hour or so, people kept coming up to me to make sure I was OK, that I wasn't going to jump out the window or something.

Because of my response, however, the facilitator asked me to comment on the festivities we were about to begin that morning, as I stared at the long list of topics on the white board that promised to make our ministries bigger, better, faster, stronger. I was honest, I admitted I needed to give the process a chance, but that I also preferred that we just share our stories, and trust that from relationship, we would really resonate with some people and the "agenda"would emerge from friendship, mutual respect, and trust.

Well later, one by one, the other pastors came up to me and said that they appreciated what I said about being cynical. Apparently I was in good company. One of those guys was Brian Kim from Newsong NOC. We joked about how terrible it was that our churches were barely 100 yards from one another but it took being in Dallas to have a decent conversation.

Actually, Brian and I had lunch when Newsong moved into the college auditorium down the street two years ago. We crossed paths again at a Solidarity event, but that was about the extent of our interactions.

So after reconnecting, we sat down for lunch together. As soon as we got our food, I felt led to ask him about the long-distance relationship between our two churches. Was there any desire/expectation from him that we would be partnering in anything? I knew I hadn't initiated from my end.

Before he could answer, I admitted to him that Epic had just spent the last three years working so hard on having an identity, working so hard just to feel OK being Epic [and not Newsong, or Evergreen, or Mosaic] that quite frankly, I felt threatened that any partnership with Newsong might eat into that hard work. That's terrible, I know, but also very real. I felt bad about it, but that was the honest truth. Brian went on to share how on the flip side he was gun shy to initiate because of his experience with others when he did try to extend a hand. To others he told me, he couldn't just be Brian from Newsong NOC. He was always Brian from NEWSONG, as if there was a big behemoth behind him. I told him I needed to repent because that's the way I responded to him. He went on to tell me how much he admired Epic and what we were doing, which really meant a lot to me.

All I can say is that something happened at that lunch, I know for me, and I think for him. Something healing. Something good. I had found a kindred spirit.

Later that evening, after dinner, we hung out with two other guys from the conference at a cigar lounge in town (can I say that?). On the way over, I got to hear more of Brian's story, about his growing up in the 'hood, about his family, about his brokenness, about his way back to God, about his heart for people, hurting people, and his commitment to justice. I realized how much we shared similar experiences, similar hopes, similar values, similar perspectives. Plus he was just flat out a hilarious guy and fun to be with.

By the end of our time in Dallas, I half-jokingly told the rest of the group that Brian was my new best friend. Half-jokingly, of course, because I knew it was mostly true. God had done a healing in my heart. I knew that God might do something in our friendship and in our churches in our little corner of Fullerton.

All of this happened, I realize, because Brian and I shared not about our successes, but about our failures and struggles and doubts. It happened because we were able to get past assumptions to the real people we are. It happened, I realized, just the way I imagined it could when I put my foot in my mouth at the first session.

This past week, I rejoiced in knowing that part of the wonder of the Tony Campolo event was the event itself, this is obvious. But probably not so obviously, was the backstory of what happened a few weeks earlier that made it all possible. Thanks to Brian. Thanks to God.

[Thanks also to Leadership Network, the L2 Foundation, and DJ Chuang for a wonderful time in Dallas...it wasn't so bad after all =) It was great...appreciate you including me!]