Life In Progress

Voice of Vocation

2012-01-04T15:03:00.000-08:00

Led devotionals this morning with the AA Colloquium group. Spoke about my sense of call - past, present, future. Began with a "I cannot not do this" moment back at Evergreen in the late 80's, to something evolving from what I and others expect from myself during the early to mid-ministry years of my calling, to now gradually something that I listen for from within the contours of my own life and context.

Resonated at several points with Parker Palmer's journey chronicled in his book, "Let Your LIfe Speak" - a required read for my D.Min program at Northern Seminary. I shared the following quotes this morning with the other pastors, ways that Palmer's journey seemed to parallel my own:

Vocation at its deepest level is, “This is something I can’t not do, for reasons I’m unable to explain to anyone else and don’t fully understand myself but that are nonetheless compelling.” (p.25)

Vocation does not come from willfulness. It comes from listening. I must listen to my life and try to understand what it is truly about – quite apart from what I would like it to be about – or my life will never represent anything real in the world, no matter how earnest my intentions.

That insight is hidden in the word vocation itself, which is rooted in the Latin for ‘voice.’ Vocation does not mean a goal I pursue. It means a calling that I hear. Before I can tell my life what I want to do with it, I must listen to my life telling me who I am. I must listen for the truths and values at the heart of my own identity, not the standards by which I must live – but the standards by which I cannot help but live if I am living my own life. (p.4)

Our deepest calling is to grow into our own authentic selfhood, whether or not it conforms to some image of who we ought to be. As we do so, we will not only find the joy that every human being seeks – we will also find our path of authentic service in the world. True vocation joins self and service, as Frederick Buechner asserts when he defines vocation as “the place where your deep gladness meets the world’s deep need.”

Buechner’s definition starts with the self and moves toward the needs of the world: it begins, wisely, where vocation begins – not in what the world needs (which is everything), but in the nature of the human self, in what brings the self joy, the deep joy of knowing that we are here on earth to be the gifts that God created. (p.16)

Viablity of Virtual Church?

2012-01-03T22:04:00.000-08:00

Had a parking lot conversation recently about virtual church. A friend asked me what I thought about the prospects of community via social media and the like. I told him if you were on a deserted island, then yeah, community through computer screen, whether "attending" a worship service, fellowship through ichat, or communing via e-mail or Facebook is better than nothing. But how many of us are really in those circumstances? My fear is that this option becomes the convenient choice to the more difficult but ultimately more rewarding and essential task of actual relating.

To state the obvious, virtual community has its limitations. For one, it seems to me that much of the New Testament cannot be lived out without a real physical community that you literally bump into. Though it is admittedly possible to experience aspects of connection virtually, it is ultimately a challenge to break bread together, to forgive one another, comfort one another, speak truth, and encourage one another short of actual presence with one another. There is something to be said that the Son of God became human in Jesus and came to dwell among us. At precisely this point, Christian spiritually is enfleshed, it is embodied. Godliness looks human, not digital. God becoming flesh and walking in this world was in direct opposition to gnostic abstraction of the day. Arguably, both the Old and New Testaments describe God's people always as a very real people who gather together. Location and physicality are inherent in the expression of authentic faith.

Which leads to the related, and possibly bigger issue: Without a real, particular community that assumes a specific context, it is impossible for a church community to bear witness to the particularities of Christ in its midst. In other words, church is always socially located. If (and I assume it is) the church is the apologetic for faith, then that church is a real people who paint the outlines of the kingdom via their mutual life together, a life that can be seen, touched, and heard as a gathered reality, not just an abstract or idealistic one. For Christ to be made believable (trustworthy, verifiable), there must be a real visible community that gathers, worships, serves, and celebrates the Lord's Supper together - not just a virtual one. This goes directly to the issue of mission. Without a gathered body, bearing witness to Jesus in its very life as the people of God, in a particular social context, the church can barely be called missional. Virtually, the church at best is a mere shadow of itself.

This is the limitation of an on-line community. I am not saying there are not vestiges of community made possible through virtual means, certainly there are. But at the same time it must be said that it falls short of mitigating the tendencies of modernity to mimic true relating where physicality is necessity, not ancillary to true spirituality. The I-thou encounter of the first humans in Genesis 1 suggest that we are always ensouled bodies and enbodied souls, and that this flesh-to-flesh encounter with one another is partly what it means to be fully human and fully alive to God.

2012-01-02T11:07:00.001-08:00

What's new?
In 2011 took up road biking, got a new kitchen, first time to NYC, and went back to school for a D.Min. What new things will emerge in 2012?

Already looking forward to Hawaii in July with the family. But before that, my first winter in Chicago coming up in a few weeks and great stuff around culture and connecting points this year at Epic.

2012-01-01T19:33:00.000-08:00

Hello 2012. But first, goodbye 2011.

Went biking yesterday with Brice, Charlie, and Lodi, third time this week after resting my knee for about 3 months. Beautiful ride with climbs up and behind Fullerton Road. Want to make this route part of my regular repertoire. Since purchasing my first road bike this past June, hope to ride more in 2012.

Two goals that I set out to do in 2011 finally come to an end (though their impact will hopefully continue)...

I took a sabbath from clothes shopping having been convicted of 1 Timothy 6:6-8, "But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that." I had vowed to not purchase any clothing unless it was somewhat necessary or if I already a gift certificate for it. Overall, I did fairly well; though I must confess that I did make a few purchases: As I said above, I bought a road bike in June and with that needed some legitimate bike clothing; I also bought two pairs of jeans because they were 50% off - jeans are both my everyday and work clothes; and this December I purchased an on-sale REI down jacket with a gift certificate anticipating many trips to Chicago in winter…this first being later this month. During this self-imposed sabbath from shopping, I noticed I tended to stay away from malls and places I know I would see something enticing; I also realized I simply shopped less because I knew I couldn't buy anything anyway. Interestingly, the next verse in 1 Timothy say this, "Those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction (v.9). I learned one way to deal with a temptation is simply not to indulge it, to stay away if physically possible.

A second 2011 goal was to reflect on "abiding" based on verses from John 15:5…"I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." Couple of thoughts: I tried to pray more, or more deeply; one of my practices every morning is to recite the Lord's Prayer as a framework for my prayers. I tried to make room for more praise of God and also to think more deeply about my real concerns and hopes, to lift those up and trust God with them. I also felt that I was able to let go of results more this year; maybe this is part of getting older and realizing that there is much to this life that I will never be able to control or will into existence. Whether this is part resignation from being tired or just a bit of wiser living, I let more things be. This year also involved a season of loss (mostly of people moving away), but also of new growth (particularly going back to school - a doctoral program at Northern Seminary).

For 2012, I need to reflect a bit more, but in addition to reading through the New Testament I am considering what Proverbs 3:3-6 might mean for me, "Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and humankind. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." I thought of these verses the last week because they came up on two separate occasions: the first time was when Luke Mason read those verses on the bottom of his strawberry shake cup from In 'N Out; the second time came a few days later when my friend Eddie told me a funny story about a friend of his who was considering whether he should date a gal who wasn't a Christian; this young believer was getting advice from Eddie while he was driving (Eddie was in the back seat listening and texting at the same time). Eddie encouraged his friend to read the Bible and ask God what He thought; almost immediately the guy said, "Proverbs 3:5-6". Eddie, without looking up, replied, yeah, that's a good one. The friend said, "Whaaat? I was just reading the license plate of the car in front of me!" Eddie exclaimed, "Dude, that's God speaking to you!"

Maybe God was speaking to me, too, when Eddie told me that story. Verse 3 is about focusing on growing in love and faithfulness. The result is favor with God and others. I'd like that. Verses 4-5 is about trusting God with everything, letting things go to him, resting in the knowledge that He will make my paths straight as I (we) move into the future. I'd like that too.

A Child Will Lead Them

2011-09-20T20:09:00.000-07:00

Two Sundays ago, Epic had the privilege of having Mike and Jill Lowery, missionaries serving in the Democratic Republic of the Congo, share during our worship service. When Jill came up to speak, she spoke directly to all our kids who were sitting in their usual seats in the first few rows. She told our kids that the women in Congo knew them as the To Lingana Kids ("love one another") because of the Sunday school campaign to raise funds for new sewing machines. You see, these enterprising Congolese women were starting a restaurant but needed to sew curtains and such for the restaurant's interior, but had no way to do this without the proper equipment. At the beginning of the year, our kids had raised enough money through their own efforts that Jill was able to purchase a first sewing machine and have enough spare change to repair several others.

But what Jill really wanted to communicate was that she in turn shared about this small Sunday school program's efforts in a newsletter that is circulated among supporters. After reading about our kids, other Sunday school classes were so inspired that they followed suit. Less than a year after our kids responded to this need, Jill said they had received enough money to purchase 9 sewing machines to date. She told our kids that they had started a movement!

As I sat listening to this amazing story, I was reminded of the prophet Isaiah's eschatological vision of the coming Messiah who would reign with righteousness, justice, and peace for all the earth and among all the nations. Isaiah said that this Messiah would come to God's people as a child and that this "little child would lead them" (Isaiah 11:6). I couldn't help but see how true that was in this moment: The children of Epic were leading us adults in the act of thoughtful and generous giving.

It also happened to be the final official day for Kristy Prince as our kids director. It ended up being a nice way, I think, to honor her by hearing publicly of the tangible fruit of her ministry with our kids. That might have been the sweetest thing of all.

WE+

2011-09-18T20:42:00.000-07:00

This list and following comments were part of my message on community given at Epic (9/18/2011). I got feedback that people wanted the list, so here it is:

What's the point of church? One argument is that we can’t live out the Scriptures, particularly the New Testament, without a community.

Speak truth in love (Eph 4:15)

Bring things into the light (Eph 5:8)

Submit to one another (Eph 5:21)

Build one another up (Eph 5: 29)

Carry each other’s burdens (Gal 6:2)

Resolve conflict with one another (Matt 18:15)

Discern and make decisions together (Matt 18:18)

Eat together and partake of the Lord’s Supper (1 Cor 11:33)

Confess our sins to one another and pray for each other (James 5:16)

Encourage one another (Heb 10:24)

Love one another (Heb 13:1)

Extend hospitality (Heb 13:2)

Forgive one another (Eph 4:32)

The ethical invitation to live in the kingdom of God assumes gathering, relationship, that we know one another, that we are in each others lives. We can believe the right things, but we cannot actually follow Jesus without belonging to a distinct, real, visible, community. It is impossible to truly live as a Christian or function as the church outlined in the New Testament without a deep commitment to the body of Christ.

Letter to Time

2011-09-08T23:23:00.000-07:00

I resonated with the aspect of missed opportunity in Kurt Andersen's back cover story, "Terror Has A Half-Life" in this week's commemorative 9/11 edition of Time magazine. So yesterday I wrote the editor the following letter:

Dear Time,

I appreciated Kurt Andersen's back cover story (Beyond 9/11 Issue). Having visited Ground Zero just a month ago, I came away with similar reflections. What if instead of entering two wars as a response to the 9/11 attacks, we had invested that $2-3 trillion on what makes America so resilient in the first place: its people. Not only could President Bush have made the urgent call to wean us from oil, but the opportunity was there to inspire all of us to invest more heavily in education, the arts, technology, and housing for the homeless - or to volunteer - all investments in citizens by citizens that would have made us stronger as a country. In the end, our top political officials governed by the very thing they wanted us to overcome: fear.

Sincerely,

Kevin Doi
Diamond Bar, CA

Postscript: My response ended up being published in the 9/26/2011 edition of Time (Rick Perry cover).

102 Minutes

2011-09-03T01:46:00.000-07:00

I had the privilege of visiting Ground Zero less than a month ago while on vacation to NYC. Next week on the 10th anniversary an unveiling of the memorial pools will take place, but construction dominates and looms large as surrounding buildings near completion. At the visitor center, this is one of the few books that I assumed met stringent standards and was worthy of offering. And I can see why. Written by reporters from the New York Times, it is at once haunting and beautiful. 102 Minutes recounts the fate of those inside the twin towers from the moment the first plane struck until the last tower fell. It is enthralling reading (I couldn't put the book down). At turns both horrifying and heroic, the authors effectively expose how decisions - both small and large, by employees and politicians - made in seconds or over decades - saved or doomed thousands of lives during that hour and a half. Right up there with Devil In the White City and In the Heart of the Sea as absolutely riveting accounts of history.

Steak and Eggs

2011-06-02T14:03:00.000-07:00

I was walking in downtown Fullerton this week on my way to meet Kristy at Tranquil Tea lounge to talk kids ministry when a homeless man on a bike stopped me. He immediately went into his story about losing his job, wife, life and was now on the streets. He was going on and on so I stopped him and asked, "What do you need?" He said he was hungry and wanted money to get a bite. As I usually do, I told I couldn't give him cash but could buy him breakfast. So on the way down the street to Rialto Cafe, I asked him about his life - where he was from, what he did for work, where he was currently living. When we got to Rialto, I told Becky, the waitress, that I would buy Dennis (the guy's name) anything he wanted, but that I had a meeting next door and would come back for the bill. I told Dennis I couldn't stay, but to order whatever he wanted.

After my meeting with Kristy, I came back to Rialto to pay the bill. It was $17! A little startled, I asked Becky what he ordered that cost that much? She told me, "Steak and eggs." I laughed.

Truth be told, after the initial shock, I was a little bit miffed at the audacity. Mostly, because I know I couldn't have done that. It would have gone against every Japanese bone in my body. I also felt a tinged taken advantage of. But the more I thought about it, I was really glad Dennis ordered the steak and eggs. After all, I told him anything on the menu. Who knows when the last time he really had a good meal, let alone a T-bone steak? I was even smiling at the fact that he had the shamelessness (and appetite) to order exactly what he wanted.

During this past Easter season, P.Erin and I were talking in the office about how Evangelicals often view Lent as a time to make sacrifices (i.e to suffer without) to identify with the suffering of Christ. People will forgo caffeine, television, chocolate. But that assumes we have, so that we can go without for a time. But for others, Lent might be a season to actually indulge in what they cannot otherwise partake or afford. For the poor or oppressed, that might mean enjoying that delectable sweet or out-of-reach treat as a celebration of what Jesus has done. I was thinking about this when reflecting more on Dennis. Jesus often told stories about the kingdom of God being like inviting those on the street to a great feast, to a banquet his Father was throwing.

I can see steak and eggs being on the menu.

Santa Rosa Hike

2011-04-19T11:57:00.000-07:00

On Saturday AM we headed out to the Santa Rosa Ecological Reserve with close to 30 other Epic folks, with our own resident botanist Ranger James Harrison leading the way. Turned out to be a warm day, but it was well worth the effort...beautiful pools, native flowers, and great company. Probably the neatest thing was seeing James in his element...giving us commentary about the various types of shrubs and flowers that grow here , warning us about the poison oak along the path, and even a bear story or two. When you see people at church, most of the time you have no idea what they do at work, and how many people are so good at what they do. That's why it's always a treat to see people doing what they love. When it was all said and done, and we were pooped (I was proud of our kids for making the trek), stopping off at Tom's Farms for a burger on the way back really hit the spot. And then we were off to a wedding.

Red Rock Canyon National Conservation Area

2011-04-18T14:13:00.000-07:00

Over Spring Break we traveled to Vegas to visit my dad, which is where he makes his home. Beyond the swimming and eating that is the standard fare, we decided to get outside and exercise a bit by hiking in the Red Rock Canyon area, where they just completed an amazingly creative and interactive visitor center. We didn't hike all that much, but there was plenty to see and admire on the 13-mile loop with its vistas and changing landscapes. All in all, a beautiful way to spend the morning with grandpa. We finished our day, of course, with a buffet lunch at the Red Rock Hotel completely erasing any benefit we made by hiking.

Thailand?

2011-03-10T22:53:00.000-08:00

I am one who believes God is always trying to get our attention. Most of life is just paying attention.

Yesterday, our staff went out to lunch at CafeWest in Fullerton, a great little place in downtown. After we finished our meal, we moseyed to the back of the cafe where they have an eclectic mix of art, a rack of women's vintage clothing, and a single bookshelf of used books, which patrons can help themselves to (like "on-loan" forever). To my surprise, I saw Lonely Planet's Thailand. (I happened to be at AAA just the weekend before, looking for a something on Thailand to no avail). But this was my lucky day. So I lifted it, legally.

The backstory is that just a few weeks before, I had received an e-mail out the blue that Becky Mann wanted to meet with me. I had heard about her, her husband Mike, and their wonderful and important work in Chiang Mai as American Baptist missionaries. Mike and I had corresponded briefly two years before as I inquired about their ministry, particularly their clean water projects, but had lost communication. Then to my surprise, Becky had instructions from Mike to hunt me down while she was back visiting in SoCal.

We sat down at Starbucks and I learned about the Mann's work with Burmese refugees in Thailand, near the mountainous hills in Chiang Mai. Firstly, the Mann's teach the Burmese how to farm their land with coffee beans, which they sell direct to Starbucks in a FairTrade exchange. Secondly, the Mann's help whole villages access clean water by setting up projects, often with the aid of teams from the States, who pay for the materials and dig the trenches from the water source to the villages. Finally, the Mann's discovered that the Burmese would often send their children into the city with the promise of work, only to never see their children again, victims of human trafficking. So the Mann's began building schools in the villages so that the children could stay and get an education. The hope is that as the children graduate, the Mann's will scholarship further study at the University if these students will return to their villages to teach at least two years.

I left that meeting amazed and inspired.

During our conversation, I had been invited to come and see their work as part of a scouting trip, having in mind the possibility of taking a team(s) over from Epic at some point.

Ever since, I have been in prayer about going, even sending out feelers to some of my friends to see if there is any interest in going with me.

And then I saw the book.

Story

2011-03-09T23:54:00.000-08:00

Some cool things I've read lately about story...

"The very first thing I tell my new students on the first day of a workshop is that good writing is about telling the truth." - Anne Lamott, Bird by Bird

"We were created for stories, not propositions; for drama, not bullet points." - James K.A. Smith, Who's Afraid of Postmodernism?

"If I have a hope, it's that God sat over the dark nothing and wrote you and me, specifically, into the story and put us in with the sunset and the rainstorm as though to say, Enjoy your place in my story. The beauty of it means you matter, and you can create within it even as I have created you." - Donald Miller, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years

"We are not outside observers, as if we were watching a movie. We stand within the landscape. We are affected by the landscape. Since we are people of faith, we can even say that we are defined by the landscape. We are also part of the view that other observers see, from their own perspective. And they too are part of the total landscape that we see. Part of the beauty of a landscape is that it draws me, the observer, into it, so that I am engulfed and in a way defined by its greatness. In the case of biblical interpretation, we are people who stand in faith, who believe that the Bible speaks to us, and who therefore are quite conscious that what we are describing is not simply a landscape "out there," but rather, something that is at the very heart of our lives. We are not speaking of the biblical text as if it were dead letter, ancient history, distant memories. We are speaking of a text in which we find ourselves, our very lives." - Justo L. Gonzalez, Santa Biblia

"The rabbit-hole went straight on like a tunnel for some way, and then dipped suddenly down, so suddenly that Alice had not a moment to stop herself before she found herself falling down a very deep well." - Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

American Baptist AA Colloquium

2011-03-08T22:59:00.000-08:00

Last month I had the privilege of spending a week in Seattle with a wonderful group of American Baptist pastors, all of us part of the denomination's first Asian American Colloquium. For one week each year, the AB Ministers and Missionaries Board treats us to a time of learning, community, and R&R. It is quite a treat.

For me, it's a refreshing opportunity to get away and enjoy another city, and also to be around such a wise group of seasoned pastors. It's fun and enriching to hear their stories, to ask questions, and to glean from their experiences. I am continually amazed at what they and their churches are doing. My soul is always full by week's end.

During this year's trip, I was struck by two "firsts" regarding my AA identity and history:

The first came on a tour of the Japanese Baptist Church of Seattle, where our colleague Paul Aita is senior pastor. As we moved from room to room we got a sense of the history of the place. When we arrived in the church's gymnasium, Paul told us the story of former senior pastor Rev. Emery Emerson, who was minister at JBC from 1929-1976, which included the years during WWII.

As American citizens of Japanese decent were being rounded up to spend the next several years in internment camps all along the West, Rev. Emerson transformed the gym into a storage warehouse. To make ready for camp, each Japanese American family was allowed only what they could fit in a suitcase. So Pastor Emerson took masking tape and marked off 4X4 squares on the wooden floor in which Japanese American families from the community could come and leave keepsakes and possessions that they were unable to take with them. Looking at the floor, I wondered if each square contained belongings that were impractical, unnecessary, or too valuable for the unthinkable trek toward an unknown future. How difficult those decisions must have been. Yet, this small act of kindness surely brought some measure of relief knowing that what little remained of their former lives would be kept safe until their return.

I was moved upon hearing this story for the first time. Immediately I was both proud to be a fellow AB pastor and deeply grateful for what this Anglo American Baptist pastor had done - surely not without severe dissent and criticism from the majority - to extend love and care to so many Japanese during their time of dislocation and disillusionment. Remarkable.

The second was a reflection I had upon returning home. In the history of the American Baptists, the M&M Board has had the foresight and generosity to invest and thank pastors for their service to the Lord and to the denomination. Because of this, over 30 years ago the first colloquial was formed. Subsequently, a colloquial for pastors serving Black congregations and another for Latino churches was birthed. I am part of the first colloquial for senior pastors serving mostly Asian American churches. I was struck that although the denomination is nearly as old as our country, here I am in the 21st century still part of "a first Asian American..." On one hand, I thank my lucky stars I belong to a denomination that is attempting to include and give voice to the minority in their midst, while also realizing how far we have yet to go.

Currently Spinning

2011-02-02T00:43:00.000-08:00

The Go! Team's
"Rolling Blackouts"

Photo Challenge

2011-01-26T19:30:00.000-08:00

I've taken up the photo challenge for this week that Kristy proposed on her website. One of the first things I realized was that there is a lot more beauty in the world if I actively look for it. The second is that I couldn't take a photo of the many things I wanted because I was in the car driving. I realized that I spend way more time in the car than out and about on foot. That's a sad reality. I wish I lived and worked in the same place, but I don't. And I wish that I lived in a walkable city, but I don't. But that's what I love about working in Downtown Fullerton: Many weeks I get to stroll around the city, but not this week (so far). Anyway, here are my photos by day:

Day 7, Fullerton: Once a year in January, our church gets temporarily displaced from our usual worship space at Wilshire Ave. Looking to try something new, we decided this year to meet atop Hillcrest Park, in a rustic log cabin decorated prominently with a big American flag and game trophy throughout (hey, there's one behind Art our bass player!). Despite the rain and unfamiliar surroundings, we had an great time discussing and praying about what God is doing in our midst, and had a wonderful lunch together. Proving once again that church is not about a building, but about the heart of its people.

Day 6, Long Beach: Every wedding is lovely in its own way. This picture was taken at Dorene's co-worker's wedding reception on Saturday. However conscious the bride and groom may or may not be of God's presence, there is no union between a man and woman which does not somehow, often miraculously and beautifully, reflect the glory and image of God.

Day 5, Fullerton: There is something to be said about a sense of place. Today, I showed a friend around town, first having lunch at Rialto Cafe down the street, then a walk over to PAS Gallery to meet Brian. It's good to be proud of the city you're a part of, good to feel the energy of it. There's been no more special place for Epic than the corner of Wilshire and Pomona. Our promised land where God has settled us.

Day 4, Diamond Bar: I like the various meanings of this sign. The obvious one alerting motorists to children crossing. But I also like the fact that children represent hope...of what is good about the future, and the call to care and nurture these precious ones. I think about the children in our kids ministry at Epic, for instance, and smile because of all the good they will bring to the world because of their hearts, their enthusiasm, their creativity. The sign also makes me think of our JOYA Scholars too, kids who may be lacking some resources but who are nevertheless bucking all odds to get ahead, working to create a better future for themselves and their families. Maybe it's a call for all of us to heed who is ahead, to make an investment in our future by loving a child.

Day 3, Diamond Bar: The day after Obama's State of the Union address, this flag standing beside barren trees seemed an apt description of how many people feel about the state of their lives and the economy.

Day 2, Chino Hills: Rows of empty carts. It made me think of two things: 1) the hope that more people are shopping locally at farmer's markets, and 2) of all the people in countries around the world with empty stomachs.

Day 1, Diamond Bar: I took this near South Point Middle School while waiting to pick up my son. The sun was so bright shining over the canyon, a beautiful open space.

Contentment Challenge

2011-01-03T05:17:00.000-08:00

So one of the challenges I've made for myself in the new year is NOT to buy any new clothes or shoes for 2011. I realize this might not be such a big sacrifice for some of you (say for instance, a certain P.Erin?). But if you know me, it's going to rob me of some quantifiable joy! (Sad, I know.) It's part of an attempt to live more frugally and save money where I can, but mostly part of a conviction that has grown out of something I preached recently from 1 Timothy 6:6-8

1Ti 6:6 But godliness with contentment is great gain. 7 For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. 8 But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that.
A life structured around Jesus + contentment = great gain in things that matter; where "contentment" equals food and clothing.

I need to learn contentment. And the Apostle Paul says if you have food and clothing, that is enough. In my mind, that's hardly anything. But I suppose that's the point. I have so much already. Clothes and then some. So I'm up for the challenge.

One thing I can say is that I live consistently by the one-year rule: If I don't wear something within a year, I get rid of it, donate it. I had practiced the one-year rule after Christmas and cleaned out my closet prior to making this commitment, so my wardrobe is lean and mean, by my standards anyway. But even with that, the real truth is I still have plenty to wear for the year. It won't be easy, but I'll have to be content with that.

Anyone have their own contentment challenge? Anyone want to join me in a clothing fast for 2011?

Wish List

2011-01-03T04:50:00.000-08:00

Here's an uplifting way to start the New Year. I'm not yet 50, but P.Ken of Evergreen Baptist Church posted a link of this Huffington Post article on his Facebook page: "12 Things I Wish I Knew at 25: Spiritual Learnings on My 5oth Birthday" by Rev. James Martin, a Catholic priest and author. Not sure why 12, but it's a really good dozen, and worth repeating and sharing if you haven't come across it already. Read it at any age since these lessons come hard, but especially if you're 25.

Anyone 50+ or pushing 50, what would you add to the list? Share your wisdom with us!

10 That Made Life Sound Better In 2010

2010-12-30T01:07:00.000-08:00

2010-12-21T22:35:00.000-08:00

Don't get a chance to see many movies in the theater, but saw Tron Legacy with the kids today. Considering I fell asleep during the original Tron (what 20-25 years ago? as second of a double feature with Blade Runner), this was a better movie than I expected, and actually a pretty good film. There were a couple of theological thoughts I had while watching:

1) Why is it that every "futuristic" vision looks more apocalyptic, sterile, minimalist, and monochromatic than our current reality? Why doesn't our future look more human, not less? When I think of the trajectory of scripture, we are to be more like the nth century church than the 1st century church, with the future breaking into the present making us a new humanity. The question is, Does the church create a more promising and colorful future, or a more boring and monochromatic one?

2) The main message of the film, I thought, was that perfection is ruthless, where perfection is the absence of mess, chaos, and what is ultimately human. It is perfection in a cold, steely, clinical sense - and ultimately dehumanizing. What to make of Jesus call then to "be perfect as our heavenly Father is perfect"? Jesus' call is not to perfection as our ruthless and merciless accuser, but as call to a higher love, where perfection is the expression of love for that which is precisely imperfect - that is us. It is a radical call to relationship, a call to embrace all that is imperfect in the arms of grace.

Currently Reading

2010-12-17T17:19:00.001-08:00

In many ways, these two outstanding books could not be more different - one from an important Latino theologian, the other from a National Book award winner in fiction. But both are similar in one respect - they are about hermeneutics, about interpretation, about the dissection of culture. Santa Biblia about the topics of poverty and marginalization from a Latino-Christian perspective, Freedom about those same topics from the context of suburban malaise and loneliness, from the absurdity of contemporary life.

Pics From JOYA Benefit with Clara C

2010-12-17T16:51:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Clara for an amazing show and for being so great to JOYA! Some of our students got to meet Clara backstage, where they were greeted with words of affirmation and encouragement for pursuing their education. Such a wonderful evening...thanks to everyone for coming out to support our students and our program!

2010-12-08T22:30:00.000-08:00

This Friday!!
Come out and support my non-profit JOYA Scholars and enjoy a great evening of music!
JOYA Scholars presents singer/songwriter Clara C, recognized by the OC Register as a You Tube sensation. Clara is premiering a new band and performing a full album set of her debut The Art In My Heart. The concert is a meet & greet with Clara after the show.

Friday, December 10th, 8pm to 11pm at the historic Spring Field Center in downtown Fullerton. All ages show.

Tickets are $25 at www.joyascholars.org

$30 at the door (cash only)

All proceeds will benefit JOYA Scholars

The Radical Call to Stay

2010-11-12T14:29:00.000-08:00

Here is a revised version of a talk I gave at LA2010 last week, an unconference on Discipleship. Each speaker was asked to present a Big Idea on the topic.

SLOW COOK DISCIPLESHIP IN A MICROWAVE WORLD

I was born in the mid 60’s, right up the 101 Freeway at the Queen of Angels Hospital in Los Angeles, but my earliest memories and formative years were from the 70’s. Besides growing up on L.A. soul music, like any of us who were around then, it was a time before CDs and DVDs, before computers, before answering machines, and before microwave ovens.

Being a third-generation Japanese American, we weren’t dirt poor, but we were hardly wealthy either. Both my parents and their families were forced into internment camps during World War II, returning to nothing when they got out - having lost homes, businesses, and work – and forced to rebuild their lives from scratch.

I’ll never forget the day my dad went to the local electronics store and brought back our very first microwave oven. We were the first family I knew who had one in their home. It was amazing. You could heat up water, make cup ‘o noodle, pop popcorn!

Before microwaves, TV dinners had to be heated in conventional ovens. They came in these aluminum trays with their separate compartments that neatly kept the main entree (usually turkey, fried chicken, or meatloaf) separated from the assorted vegetables, mashed potatoes, and dessert. TV dinners had been around since the 50’s, but with the advent of microwaves, the TV dinner really came of age. The microwave promised to revolutionize our lives!

Except in the end, it didn’t.

The only thing the microwave revolutionized were leftovers; all of a sudden you could pretty much reheat anything, which for a kid is just about the worse thing ever. The fact is, the microwave was incredibly convenient for some things, but it never did replace conventional cooking. If you wanted a great meal, you still had to cook it the old fashioned way: with real food, putting in hard work, time, planning, and a touch of love.

Discipleship is the same way. It’s more real cooking than TV dinner, more crock-pot than microwave oven. TV dinners may look like the real thing, might even smell or taste familiar, but they can never give you the satisfaction nor nutrition that real food can.

Let’s state the obvious: If I were to ask if we believe discipleship takes relationship, long-term investment, and time – I think we’d all nod our heads and say “yup.” I think most churches would say the same thing, too. But let me go on a limb and say though this may be true, I have the sinking feeling that many churches are still trying to make disciples using microwave ovens. On one hand, we know it takes time, but if we're honest we’d still prefer to press the minute button and hope people come out heated and looking like Jesus. In some ways it’s still about information and technique. It’s still the hope that if we just find the right content or the right the vehicle it will heal and transform people.

One of our assumptions has to be that the gospel of the kingdom of God is for people, all people. The goal is to get the beautiful gospel story that God loves us into people, not get people into an institution called the church. Our objective is not to build a church, but to build people.

And that does take time, it is heavily relational, it does require an intentional commitment to give ourselves to one another so we can look more like Jesus. It is more slow cook than microwave oven.

THE RADICAL CALL TO STAY

At Epic slow cook discipleship has looked like the radical call to stay.

For my generation (I’m an old Gen Xer) the default was to stay home. That was pretty much the worldview of everyone I knew. That meant attending college close to home, getting jobs close to home, settling into places close to home. What we feared most was that Jesus would call us to go somewhere…far…like Africa…somewhere foreign and dangerous where we didn’t want to go. The radical call then was to go anywhere Jesus called us. The belief was that only crazy, hardcore missionaries would find any delight in this. Obviously, the call to go was necessary, appropriate, and fitting. There was a lot to be corrected and challenged with this worldview, about mission, about God, about us.

Somewhere, however, things changed. Where the default for my generation was to stay, I think the default for today’s generation is to travel. This generation actually wants to go to Africa. For them, the planet is a smaller place, many just assume they will see the world, even make an impact through something meaningful. And I want to applaud that. I can admire the desire to make a difference somewhere, especially among the poor and the least. It is good to see how the rest of the world lives. For today’s generation, instead of staying, the hope is that Jesus will call them somewhere; anywhere, but here. The worse thing that could possibly happen is to remain home.

That’s why I think for this generation the radical call is to stay. At Epic we don’t call people to stay in any absolute sense – we don’t encourage everyone to stay, all the time, for any reason. People do leave, and for good reasons. We celebrate every time we commission someone for the work of the kingdom somewhere else. But we probably do call people to stay more often than not – or at least make people think about it. We do this especially with the serial movers. And we do this too with those who seem lost, unprocessed, and disconnected. We believe enough in the primacy of community to call people to be more rooted, not less.

The problem with moving from place to place, repeatedly, is that relationships become transient too. People are not in one place long enough to be known, and in fact a lot of folks prefer it that way, we think to their detriment. Instead, at Epic we tell people to stay, get mentored, be in community, be invested in. We let people know that we believe in them in so much and believe in God so much that we think that despite whatever opportunities are out there for them, they will grow more if they stay than if they pick up and leave. It’s a call to grapple with what’s in front of them, to look at what’s inside, and to deal with the very real, often scary, usually painful things in their life - in relationship with others – precisely because this is what is most needed and what is actually good for them.

If it’s always (ding) - time to go – it’s too easy for people to become phantom ghosts, not human beings rooted in community. And I’m sorry, but e-mail, tweeting, and Facebook are not relationship. I love those tools, use them often, really helpful, but it’s not the kind of relationship discipleship requires.

It’s hard, right, because to go somewhere else looks more sexy, sounds more radical, appears more faithful. But what if that isn't always true? And pastors might be the biggest culprits. It’s rare these days for pastors to stay long-term with their congregations, especially the ones who make it big. What we end up teaching people is that when you’re successful, the real important stuff is out there at the next place, not right here, with them.

Ultimately, at Epic we encourage our people to stay so they can be developed for ministry, so that whatever it is God is calling them to, wherever that might be, whenever that might be, they’ll be a better, more mature, more processed person when they get there. Because it matters not just that we get to our destination, but the kind of person we are when we arrive. This is the discipline of discipleship.

SOME DISCOVERIES FROM STAYING PUT

As we’ve called people to stay and commit to community for the sake of their own growth, we’ve made a few discoveries along the way. Let me share two as it relates to staying.

1. The Need for a Framework of Lifelong Development

One of the traits I noticed of people today, one of the conditions of those who don’t figure staying in one place very long, is that they want to change the world and expect to do it now! We realized that most of our people, especially young people, had no vision beyond next month. Getting people to commit to a year is nearly impossible. But nevertheless we try to help our people entertain a lifetime perspective of growth and maturity. We’re training people to think about where they’re going, to convince them there is a life to plan that God cares about and is deeply involved with. We are trying to help people see that discipleship is not a sprint but a marathon, that God works slowly and over time to form and shape us, using our entire lifetime to get us to a place we’re really effective, when we minister out of who we are.

This is where Dr. Bobby Clinton (Making of a Leader) has been extremely helpful. Clinton in his work provides a leadership framework in which to understand stages of development over a lifetime. We help people understand their own story, interpret what God is doing there, what he’s showing them and teaching them, and where he’s leading them. It’s not just about getting people the right content, but teaching people how to learn, how to interpret their lives, listen to his voice, learn how to respond – so that it can last a lifetime. People who stay get to journey with others who have chosen to stay - others who know them and can provide valuable and necessary input and feedback. Again, it’s not a minute-made program, but engagement slow cooked over a lifetime.

2. People Need a Language for Their Souls

As we’ve asked people to commit to community and relationship, one of the things we are better able to do is explore with them, in a significant way, their internal worlds. In doing so, we’ve found that it is a foreign place for a lot of people. One of the biggest hazards of a microwave life is a general lack of depth and self-awareness. People are simply unaware of their own souls.

We think that one of the key reasons people weren’t developing at Epic like we had hoped is because in part they had no idea how God was shaping them. We realized that people were not able to identify or articulate what God was doing in their lives. They needed a new vocabulary, a new language. As a church we needed a common language to describe our souls.

Again, this is where Bobby Clinton has been so helpful. Our people really had no handle on the kinds of processes and checks and tests God uses to shape our souls and build character in us. And when we don’t successfully push through the hard lessons God is teaching about obedience, about pain, about generosity, about forgiveness and reconciliation, about truth telling, about justice – mostly because we don’t even see them as such – we end up in remedial class having to learn the same lessons over and over again. Consequently, we get stuck in our development. We get older, but not wiser. Staying in relationship gives people the advantage of a context and a community to work this stuff through - and a way to talk about it.

In the end, slow cook looks like calling people to stay and commit, where commitment is a necessary aspect of growth. It’s the call to stay and grow together in a particular place. Because if long-term relationship and engagement is key to development and an antidote to microwave discipleship, then there is a way that traveling with Jesus can only happen by staying put. In our age, part of "Go and make disciples" may look like "Stay and be a disciple."

The Technicolor Wardrobe Strikes Twice

2010-11-02T08:43:00.000-07:00

Hey Everybody, my dear friend Ryan Pak is back with two shows Nov 13 and 14 in Santa Ana. He's a talented writer, storyteller, musician, and songwriter. He'll be sharing his stories, skits, and music - a good ole variety show - with some depth! My daughter Charis and her partner in crime Allison will give their comedic turn. Shows also feature our friends My Parasol, Nate Haveman, and Art Pang. Come out for a great evening and support the arts! Follow the link for more info and to buy tickets.

LA2010

2010-11-02T08:31:00.000-07:00

Hey Epic, as Erin has been announcing I'm speaking again at LA2010, an (un)conference - this year's theme is discipleship. It's this weekend, Nov. 5-6. I'm scheduled for 11:40AM on Saturday. Here are details if you're interested in attending - it's free! 14 speakers given 14 minutes to share about their big idea on discipleship.

JOYA Benefit Feat. CLARA C

2010-11-02T00:16:00.000-07:00

Clara C is performing a benefit show in Downtown Fullerton on Friday, December 10 at 8PM. She will be playing a full-length set of her just-released debut album "The Art In My Heart." All proceeds benefit JOYA Scholars. We're extremely grateful to Clara for offering her talent to support our program and kids!

JOYA Scholars works with 8th-12th grade students from the Garnet Community to inspire and prepare them for college education.

We started this organization in collaboration with Solidarity, a CDC in the neighborhood, after discovering that there had not been a college graduate from Garnet in over decade. Our students come from low-income families who attend schools in one of the wealthiest counties in America. Yet if you look at the statistics, nearly 70% of Latino students in the local school district drop out of high school. These are our kids. We're changing that.

Our program features long-term mentoring, workshops, parent involvement, college tours, and college-ready plans preparing our students to succeed in college. Our mentors walk with students through the often confusing, challenging, and intimidating process of college applications and enrollment, and then college life.

In one year of existence, we have grown from 17 students and 8 mentors last school year, to 27 students and 15 mentors this year. Our 3 seniors from our first year have enrolled and are enjoying college this fall.

This event will help us provide further opportunities for our students, including special programs offered by colleges, travel, and scholarships.

For tickets visit our website at www.joyascholars.org or our Facebook event page.

Currently Spinning

2010-11-02T00:14:00.000-07:00

JK Rowling Speech

2010-10-28T00:35:00.000-07:00

I
I stumbled across this stirring 2008 Harvard Commencement Speech by Ms. Rowling (here Part 1 of 3 on YouTube) after being recommended to view Steve Jobs' speech at Harvard, also a good one. Though like the rest of the world I was well aware of her slightly famous wizardry books, having read a few of them, I should have figured she'd have a certain way with words. But I was still taken aback by her sheer brilliance at articulating both the painful and profound with such vividness and power, speaking so vulnerably and humbly from her own life about failure and imagination. Before this, I hadn't known much at all about her story, only that she'd enjoyed success only after struggling as a single mother in poverty. All the more I was struck by her frankness and sensitivity, her scope of compassion and courage, to call those privileged graduates (and the rest of us educated, too) to consider our responsibility in the world. With her charming, self-deprecating humor, it was refreshing to hear someone so astronomically successful appear so genuinely grounded and grateful and magical.

Abiding #2

2010-10-27T10:31:00.000-07:00

It's been almost a month into the project and to be honest I don't feel like there has been any significant change internally for me. Things are a bit more normal schedule-wise since Dorene is back to working part time, so I do feel like there is more "space' in my life, which is equivalent to some breathing room. I feel less suffocated, frazzled, and plain irritable. But I want my abiding to exist and work whatever the state of my life.

However, there have been a few minor adjustments.

First, I noticed that at the very least, I'm thinking about abiding more. Having this project keeps my accountable in a good way, keeps me honest, never too far away from the subject, always pulling me back kind of like a holy centrifugal force.

Secondly, every morning it has been my habit/discipline to pray using the Lord's Prayer as a framework, to commit the day to the God, to cover my family, to submit to him the things that lay before me. I've now added to that time a prayer of abiding. Basically a "Lord, teach me how to abide." I pray this, I suppose, even as I am actually abiding through prayer.

But I want more. More relationship. More fruit in my life.

But it's a start.

From the Mouth of Sherlan

2010-10-27T01:26:00.000-07:00

On Sunday at Epic, we interviewed a panel of nine artists from our church community who shared their thoughts about art and the creative process. They also shared their thoughts about Epic as a home to artists. It was part of a series about "what got us here" as Epic celebrates 10 years together. It was an amazingly diverse group: made up of musicians, painters, graphic designers, an interior designer, a writer, songwriters, a dancer, and photographers - each providing such rich and thoughtful answers to questions about their craft and faith and church (and how the three intersect). One of those artists, illustrator and photographer Sherlan Abesamis, [that's his photo] shared something with me afterward that I thought was simple, but profound. The panel had succeeded in being wonderfully inclusive during the interview time, more than once making the point that though not everyone may be artistic, everyone is certainly creative. To that Sherlan added, after not being able to share this with the congregation because of time: "God has given everyone a voice. [Art] is a matter of finding that voice and letting it be spoken." Well said.

Currently Reading

2010-10-27T01:22:00.000-07:00

Like Erik Larson's "The Devil in the White City," this is history telling at its finest: Gripping, almost unimaginable, and absolutely haunting.

Abiding #1

2010-10-12T20:35:00.000-07:00

As I get started, just some preliminary observations:

In my bible, I can tell from what I've previously highlighted, that I was more interested in "fruit bearing" than I was "remaining." Whatever my state when I made those markings, looks like I was drawn more to output than input, effect than affect - to make some interpretive assumptions about my world at the time.

Is the passage more about fruit bearing or abiding? Was Jesus emphasizing one more than the other? One before the other? Like so much of the spiritual life, it is probably a false dichotomy; both/and versus either/or. But the question is worth asking.

I notice that the first two paragraphs begin and end speaking of fruit, in other words, have topic and summary sentences emphasizing fruit bearing. The third paragraph begins and ends with abiding. Though it has to be said that paragraphs in the English translation are translator decisions, not part of the ancient manuscripts. By the numbers (in my TNIV translation), there are 6 sentences that mention fruit bearing, 9 mentioning abiding, of which 2 refer to both in the same sentence. The actual word "fruit" or derivative of such occurs 9 times; abiding 11 times. What I really need to do is go to the Greek manuscript to see how these numbers differ, if at all.

On a purely devotional level, I wonder if Jesus knows that what the disciples desire is to "bear fruit" - that being associated with the visible signs of the kingdom of God/following Him - is what occupies their ambitions, their concerns; that they are intent on what great works will be credited to them, invested on what effects will stick with them as perceived by others. Or is that merely my concern? Whether that is a legitimate motivation or not, concern or not, Jesus makes no hint that it is not. I think the opposite is true - he validates the desire for fruit. But is the goal abiding or is it fruit-bearing? Or as I've said above, is that a false distinction? What seems to be clear is that there is no fruit bearing apart from remaining in him. One seems to be the necessity of the other. You can't put the cart before the horse no matter how much you might want to.

Reading & Spinning

2010-10-08T16:33:00.001-07:00

Intro: The Year of Abiding

2010-10-07T16:55:00.000-07:00

God is speaking to me. He has pressed upon my mind, more than a few times now, the word abide. As in, "If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing" (John 15:5). I know the word is for me.

I know because I am tired. Someone asked me the other day how I was doing, and I told her, "I'm fried." That kind of burned out feeling, the result of going too hard for too long, which no amount of days off can cure.

About nine months ago, my wife was invited to be one of only four therapists in the country to work on a special project for the U.S. government involving a new prosthetic. It was a prestigious opportunity, and after some discussion, we decided it was something Dorene should participate in. But it required her working full-time instead of the 2 days/week she normally puts in. The short of it is that she has loved it, and I am happy that it has been a source of growth, esteem, and meaning for her. She discovered a real enjoyment for research, and that is probably worth its weight in gold.

On a practical level, however, it has not been nearly as good for me. I still kept my full-time job as pastor while also taking on full-time dad duties, too. We have two wonderful children, a 12- and a 10- year old, the older also a special needs child. On my more generous days, I am glad for the extra time I have had with the kids. But most days, if I'm honest, I am acutely aware of the havoc the extra responsibilities have wrecked on any sense of normal in my already abnormal clergy/non-profit kind of work rhythm.

But it wasn't just Dorene's work hours that was making things tough, it was also the perfect storm already brewing from commitments that just demanded more of me. All good stuff, but all at the same time. At Epic things got more wonderful, and more complicated, as we grappled with growth issues and bringing on new staff. With Oasis USA, I somehow became chair of the board which required a big investment of time with an influx of new board members and a new executive director search to manage, all the while trying to keep the organization financially afloat. JOYA was going really well and heading into our second year, with a doubling of our students and mentors in the program, but I remained the primary driver for fundraising. Without realizing it, I became event planner, concert promoter, and grant writer to go along with co-founder. I made good on a promise to stay on the board of Solidarity for another year. And places like Fuller Seminary began calling asking if I could participate in various discussions and conferences.

Like I said, all great stuff, and stuff that I enjoy, but it resulted in no margin in my life. Every week rolled into the next with no end in sight. My health took a beating, as well as my sleep, and our wonderful three-week vacation to Hawaii in August seemed like a distant memory as soon as I got back. I was glad Dorene so enjoyed her work, but frankly, most days I couldn't wait for her project to end. For the first time ever, I resigned I could live without ever preaching again. I was bored with my own voice. I had nothing fresh or interesting to say. When is that sabbatical coming?

Into this malaise and blur, God spoke to me. Repeatedly. "Abide."

I am a pastor, I know what abiding means, at least intellectually. But I hate to admit it. In reality, maybe I don't know anything about what it means. Like how to do it. Like knowing what it's like to experience that kind of relationship from the inside. Like living it.

So it occurred to me it would be a good idea just sit on this passage (John 15:1-17) for a full year. From 10/10/10 to 11/11/11. To mediate upon it. Reflect upon it. Study it. Sift it for its truth, for its life. Attempt to live it. Try to see what it's all about from the inside. To get into Jesus and to ask if Jesus could get into me. Then to see after a year - and along the way - if there is any discernable change. What will I learn? How might I live differently? Feel differently? Know Jesus differently? Will I become a different kind of person?

I've called it a blog project because I'll post my progress (or is it process?) here as a sort of diary of reflections. A place of some accountability. A place where some of my thoughts and findings and feelings can abide.

What Truth Sounds Like

2010-10-07T00:26:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday, I spoke about "Church As Therapeutic Community" and the symbiotic nature of grace and truth, which of course, describes Jesus (John 1:14). Grace is unbroken, unearned acceptance. Truth is describing things as they really are. They work together. Grace without truth becomes permissive; truth without grace results in judgment. But together, grace and truth invite us out of isolation, out of going solo, and into relationship. Grace combined with truth invites the real us, uncensored, into relationship where we are understood and embraced. In the story of the Samaritan woman at the well, the truth of her life comes out, but for the first time it doesn't condemn her, because Jesus does not condemn her. The truth isn't used to further hurt her, but to heal. The truth is revealed about her life, but grace frees her to live truthfully: "He told me everything I've ever done." Jesus is truth and grace to her, and she leads the whole community to him.

Over the years, I have found other "voices" who have taught me what truth sounds like, and through their writing, also what grace feels like too. When we grow up grace and truth deprived, it is an oasis to the soul to drink from the well of others who have told the truth and found a kind of grace because of it. I had planned to share some of these voices last Sunday, but because of time didn't get a chance. Here are some of the truthful voices that have made an impact on my life.

Frederick Buechner
Telling Secrets; Also The Sacred Journey; Now and Then
Probably my favorite author. This trilogy of memoirs covers his father's suicide and his daughter's bout with anorexia. No one writes truth more beautifully or poetically.

Henri Nouwen
Life of the Beloved; Also The Return of the Prodigal Son
The quintessential work on self-identity by listening truthfully to the voice of God instead of the world.

Anne Lamott
Grace (Eventually); Also Traveling Mercies; Plan B
Where the aforementioned authors take the serious route, Lamott is all irreverance, self-deprecation, and side-splitting humor...precisely because she tells it like it is. She writes about faith, parenting, death, and eating like no one else. You feel better just by reading her.

Caroline Knapp
Drinking: A Love Story
This brutally honest story of alcoholism had a profound effect on me and my understanding of addiction. Knapp mines deeply, and her ultimate search for the love her father never gave her speaks to both emptiness and hope.

Donald Miller
Searching For God Knows What; also Blue Like Jazz; A Million Miles In A Thousand Years
Sometimes described as the male Anne Lamott, even endorsed by her; not as intense as the other writers on this list, but some real nice gems of insight, and always an enjoyable read. I heard him speak in person, and the dude's refreshingly humble and honest.

Ray Anderson
The Gospel According to Judas
I had to get Dr. Anderson onto the list. He's had more impact on my understanding of truth than anyone. This is really his only accessible book. But it is still, in my opinion, the most profound telling of the depths of God grace.

Exclusively Inclusive

2010-09-02T01:20:00.000-07:00

On NPR a few weeks ago, I happened upon an interesting interview with the director and the star of a new South African film called, "White Wedding." In the film a groom named Elvis travels across South Africa with his best man who along the way cross paths with a British tourist who has come to the country to forget her own broken engagement. According to the director Jan Turner, the hope of the film was to portray ordinary South Africans going about their ordinary lives. The film deals with racism, but also the cultural divide between races - as when the bride's mother wants a traditional wedding whereas the bride has something completely modern in mind. The NPR interviewer noted that most of the film is in subtitles. Lead actor Kenneth Nkosi pointed out that South Africa has 11 official languages.

What I found provocative is a statement by the director to this issue of language: [Because of this] "South Africans use language to include and exclude each other...Translation jokes and misunderstandings are part of day to day life."

Thinking about this, I wondered how Jesus used language? Did he ever use language to exclude others - like on purpose? On one hand, his whole ministry was given to include those who were religiously, culturally, and socially excluded - from the tax collector to the prostitute, to the Gentile and the children. Certainly he must have used everyday language so that the lowly, marginalized, and uneducated had access to him and his message and could comprehend the love of the Father - as was probably the case with the Sermon on the Mount. But did he ever use language to exclude, too? I wonder about his conversation with Nicodemus (John 3) and his indirect if not veiled birth language. Then there is his apparently baffling parable about the Sower and the Seeds (Mark 4) in which Jesus says to the disciples and a few others, "The secret of the kingdom of God has been given to you. But to those on the outside everything is said in parables." Sadly, a lot of people went home that day "on the outside."

After some reflection, seems to me that Jesus was completely inclusive to all, hoping beyond hope to draw everyone to his Father. But he also wasn't shy about exposing people's hearts or desires - often using the tool of language - even if that resulted in some people on the outside looking in - kingdomly speaking - depending on how they chose to respond (or not).

If this is true, then I wonder if some evangelical churches have gotten this part backwards - making their "sermon language" seeker-friendly (thus appealing to the common denominator) all the while being stubbornly exclusive in their relationships (as is evident in their homogeneous congregations)? At Epic, I think, we have tried to let the "open" nature of Jesus ministry shape us, with varying degrees of success, by being inclusive in our relationships - loving anybody and everybody - though this is maddenly difficult - while at the same time remaining parabolic in our preaching (like not giving answers as much as calling people to Jesus). The result is that some people want to deal with Jesus, others don't.

In the end, who it is that stands on the inside or the outside depends not on us, but on the work of Spirit in every person's heart. Those who go home thinking they have all the answers have their reward in full. But those who seek Jesus humbly for the answers they lack are given the "secrets of the kingdom" and even better, Jesus himself - exclusively.

Beautiful Sunsets

2010-08-20T15:09:00.001-07:00

My family had a wonderful vacation in Hawaii - a week on the Big Island with 3 other families, then a week on Oahu visiting family and friends, learning to paddle surf and canoe, and basically eating a lot. While staying in Kona, we suspended dinner one evening to see 'the world's best sunset.' It did not disappoint. The photo on the left doesn't do it justice, by a long shot. But all the time looking at this breathtaking feat of nature, my mind kept wandering back to one of my favorite quotes, written by author Mike Mason in his book "The Mystery of Marriage":

“If man really is fashioned, more than anything else, in the image of God, then clearly it follows that there is nothing on earth so near to God as a human being. The conclusion is inescapable, that to be in the presence of even the meanest, lowest, most repulsive specimen of humanity in the world is still to be closer to God than when looking up into a starry sky or at a beautiful sunset. Certainly that is why there is nothing in the New Testament about beautiful sunsets. The heart of biblical theology is a man hanging on a cross, not a breathtaking scene from nature. Nature (by comparison with the wonders of human relationships, healed and restored in Christ), touch only remotely on love. We cannot really ‘love’ a sunset; we can only love a person.”

What Mason reminds us is that people are the crown jewel of beauty. Surely all other forms of beauty can wow and astound us, and ultimately point us to God, but it is the human person who is solely created in God’s image and capable of confronting us with the presence of Christ in a way that even the greatest natural wonders or finest works of art can never do.

Not surprisingly, standing at the edge of the vast blue Pacific Ocean with the wind in my face and the orange glaze of the sunset in the horizon, the setting makes me a believer in God. But surprisingly, it simultaneously makes me a doubter in the loveliness of humanity as the loveliest of them all. Who can blame me in a moment such as this?

Until our family and friends step into the camera's focus in front of the Hawaiian sunset in all their glorious beauty.

Missional Church Part II: Kingdom Without Buildings

2010-07-13T15:35:00.000-07:00

Thank God for buildings - they're very practical and useful. On Sunday's we meet in the gym of our host church, and during the week they provide us office space. We love it here. Suffice it to say, we like what buildings can do. But we don't own any. In fact, we're serial renters.

We'll be celebrating our 10th year anniversary next year as a church community, having had a nomadic existence for all of it. At the beginning, people would commonly ask, "So, when are you going to have your own building?" My answer was, "I don't think we'll ever own a building." The answer was partly philosophical (the church is not a building, but the people), and a lot of it economics. But it's an assumption I've been all right with from the start. Sure, there are some fleeting moments of wishful thinking when having our own place would seem to solve so many problems; but then I also think of all the problems a building would create too, and I stand content. But hey, if someone wanted to give us one for free...

When we started our church, not having a building was thought of something of a negative in a lot people's eyes, including some of our own members; it was considered a kind of weakness or liability to growth, or a sign that we hadn't yet arrived. To me it often felt like we were being judged, looked down as a junior church, or worse yet, a completely illegitimate church until we owned our own place.

Fast forward to this summer. Because of budget cuts to schools, a handful of churches in Fullerton were approached by the Fullerton Collaborative to provide programs for the youth in three of the poorest neighborhoods in the city. Five local churches were asked to take the lead, Epic being one of them. Like most cities in SoCal, there are a good many churches in our city - a lot of them with big, beautiful buildings. But what's interesting, is that none of the five churches being asked to serve the city's youth through art, education, and sports owned their own places.

I think part of the reason these five churches are sometimes considered more "missional" in nature is precisely because we don't own our own buildings. We all rent. Mostly on Sundays. That forces us to see church not as a building to fill, but wherever the body of Christ meets, whether that's 2 or 3 people for coffee, a dozen people in an art gallery, or 50 of us on a playground. Instead of assuming the neighborhood will come to us (as churches that own buildings often do), we have to be the church in the neighborhood. At one level, we don't have any choice. But I also know, at least for Epic, that we choose to do church this way. Ironically, what was deemed a weakness just a decade ago seems to have such upside today.

I really am grateful for the buildings we get to meet in - they too are a blessings, as is the host church we partner with. We couldn't be more happy where we are. Including being happy renting.

2010-05-11T01:16:00.000-07:00

Last week as 210,000 gallons of oil continued to gush daily into the Gulf of Mexico, my son coincidentally happened to be studying "Ocean Pollution" in his 6th grade Earth Science class. It's been sobering to read how devastating and even unprecedented this disaster may well be when it's over...if it's ever truly over...especially for the environment, wildlife, and those who live and work along the shores of the Gulf. It's even hard to fathom just how much oil that is pouring into the sea at one time. Even today BP CEO Tony Hayward was quoted on NPR as saying that the massive leak may still not be shut off for weeks or even months...unbelievable.

With that fresh in my mind, I was taken aback by a pie chart in my son's text book showing a breakdown of where most of the oil that pollutes our oceans actually comes from. It goes like this:

51.4% Runoff from land
19.4% Routine ship maintenance
13.0% Air pollution
8.8% Natural seeps
5.2% Oil spills
2.2% Offshore drilling
(Holt California Earth Science 2007)

If these figures are correct, then the kinds of devastating spills like the one in the Gulf make up only about 5% of oil pollution in the ocean. The rest is mostly caused by us consumers, which is a reminder that even as we may be tempted to wag our fingers at BP and proponents of off-shore drilling, we are not innocent in all this. If a majority of the oil polluting our oceans stems from non-point sources such as oil and gasoline from cars that washes from streets into storm sewers and eventually to sea, the underlying issue is not just how to prevent platform disasters from happening, but our entire nation's dependence on oil.

Missional Church Part I

2010-05-10T15:16:00.000-07:00

If you're reading hoping I have something clever to say about the missional church, I'm sorry I may disappoint you. But I've been meaning to mention this for over a year now especially when it was really getting tedious. What I don't get is the latest obsession and attention with all things 'missional'. Well, yes, on one hand, I think I do get it: In an unintended way, it's seems to be a commentary on the sorry state of the church in the U.S. which gives rise for the need to write, discuss, conference, and program our way out of insularity and irrelevance. But when mission becomes an agenda or identity, it too often takes the practice out of the realm of neighborliness and into presumption. Seriously, do we really need another adjective in front of the word "church" to make us feel like we're onto something new and revelatory? To say we're the 'missional' church seems about as useful as saying we're the 'loving' church, or the 'hospitable' church, or the 'faithful' church. Isn't that a given? I mean, is there any other kind? I find it slightly tragic that we have to convince our congregations to be missional, as if it is the next wave of church development, as if it is a cool thing all of a sudden to actually know our neighbors and to care about people in our communities. Last time I checked, the church was inherently missional because God himself is missional. To say we are a missional church, then, is to be redundant; it is not stating the new, but the obvious. My hunch is that by needing the word 'missional' in front of the word 'church', we are actually betraying who we think we are by what we actually are not.

Currently Flipping

2010-03-25T16:41:00.001-07:00

Currently Spinning

2010-03-25T16:11:00.001-07:00

Justice Irritation

2010-03-02T13:31:00.000-08:00

Because I'm often asked how I, or Epic, has developed a heart for justice, let me say this. The first step is simply letting things bother you, to even notice: The hungry, the poor, the marginalized, those abused by the system, or those just plain abused. Your conscience (or the Spirit) becomes like an irritant in your spirit, in your field of vision, on your pocketbook, on your schedule. And over time, over many years, as you do something about it, that nagging conscience, you discover that the irritant has become a pearl, the pearl of great price that you are willing to do a great many crazy things to have. You have the pearl, but the pearl also has you. God has you.

Not of This World

2010-03-02T12:54:00.000-08:00

I don't know what it is with Christians? Last week I was driving to pick up my kids from school when I noticed that the car in front of me had the bumper sticker: "Not of this world" - a reference to John 15:19 or 17:16, though that exact saying is not actually in scripture (though the idea is certainly there). That the car was a Lexus RX300, made me chuckle at the irony. Just to be clear, I'm not standing in judgment of those who drive a Lexus (I believe you can be a good person of faith and drive a Lexus). But if you have the gall to make that claim publicly on your Lexus RX300, then it's fair game. I never got the chance, but I wonder if they would've been willing to swap their car for my 13-year old Camry? Since they're not of this world, I'm just assuming they really wouldn't mind. I obviously am.

Currently Reading and Spinning

2010-01-31T23:23:00.000-08:00

The Last Show with Conan O'Brien

2010-01-23T17:51:00.001-08:00

I never did care for Jay Leno. I didn't watch the Tonight Show when he was host no matter who the guests where. To me he's just not funny. Instead, I've always been a Letterman fan. If I was up, I'd watch Letterman, then switch over to Conan, who I grew to love as well. I think NBC was horrible to Conan, and I don't respect Leno any more than I did before after taking the Tonight Show back, caring only about his own ass. Much had been made originally about whether Conan's brand of comedy was going to work at 11:30AM where many critics assumed his sophormoric humor was not going to fly at the earlier hour or would eventually be toned down altogether for more middle-of- the-road. But the way I saw, what didn't seem to work was not so much his move to a new time-slot, but to LA. Conan never seemed like an LA guy to me. He seemed to lose much of the edge that made his comedy dangerous (Triumph the Dog, the Masturbating Bear, the Year 2000, the Moving Lips interviews), maybe because he was on earlier, but I also wonder if was because he wasn't in NY anymore. The Tonight Show being in LA always seemed to have a more laid back feel. After all, Letterman at the same time-slot still seemed able to maintain his acerbic personality and spontaneity that felt more Big Apple. Either way, Conan's exit last night was one of class, appreciation, and surprising generosity to his former employer. His parting shot addressed to the younger generation about his disdain for cynicism and his belief in the possibilities of hard work was as moving and sage bit of television as I've seen in a long time.

Watch Food, Inc.

2010-01-14T17:18:00.000-08:00

If you haven't already seen the informative and moving Food, Inc., I highly recommend it! (it's now out on DVD). Better yet, join us at Epic in the Underground Lounge on Friday, Feb 23 at 7:30PM for a viewing and discussion.

Several of us at Epic would like our church to be better informed about where their food comes from and that there are other (and more important) factors to consider than simply price and quantity. We would like our church to eat better and smarter and more justly by eating local (even growing your own produce), supporting farmers markets, and if you eat meat, to consider free-range and grass-fed. The film will tell you why.

More than a documentary about where our food comes from, it's really about doing what is right - for the small farmer, for the migrant worker, for our health, for the stewardship of the planet. The tale the film tells will leave you equally fascinated, bewildered, infuriated, and finally empowered by this simple truth: Every time we shop, we are voting with our grocery cart. Be forewarned, you will never view what you eat quite the same way again - which is the hope.

Jesus For The Right Brain - Intro

2010-01-14T11:23:00.000-08:00

As we begin a new year, we also desire a renewed soul. For 2010 we feel God calling us as a church community to focus on our interior life with Jesus. As the body of Christ, we do many good things. But my fear is that we might substitute our various activities, though admirable, for genuine engagement with Jesus. Are we able to answer the questions, "Where is Jesus in your life? And what is he saying to you?"

A few months back I had the privilege of speaking at Verge LA in Hollywood. That's where I met and was blessed by fellow speaker Jan Johnson. Jan is a prolific writer and spiritual director. During her presentation, she spoke about and led us in an abbreviated version of the Ignatian style of mediation. Though I was familiar with this type of spiritual exercise in small groups, I was struck by the power of the time in our larger setting. After being able to sit down for lunch with Jan, I felt led to try something like it at Epic on Sunday mornings. It just so happened to be a great way to kick off the new year.

I want to thank Jan for her book, "Savoring God's Word" which is certainly the best book I've read on the mediation of Scripture and one of the finest books on spiritual formation that I can recommend. She was gracious to let me steal her title for the series and pointed me to other resources.

At Epic, our conviction is that transformation happens through encounter with Jesus. That's why it's hard to change with just more or better information. We need a genuine experience with God that captures our whole selves. The practice of St. Ignatious addresses that need in all of us. It entails placing ourselves in scenes from the gospels, the "movie method" as Jan likes to call it, and encourages us to listen to the voice of Jesus, helping us to connect with him so that the Holy Spirit can work within us to transform our souls.

Here's to a year spent in our Father's House, listening together, to what he has to say to us and to our church community!

Farewell to Manzanar

2010-01-13T18:05:00.000-08:00

I recently got reacquainted with "Farewell to Manzanar" by Jeanne Wakatsuki Houston - possibly the quintessential memoir of life during the Japanese Internment camps through the eyes of the author as a young seven year-old girl. After the bombing of Pearl Harbor during WWII, over 110,000 Americans of Japanese decent on the West Coast were forced to leave their homes and bused to camps like Manzanar in California. Two of those people were my parents.

This book has helped me understand what they, my grandparents, and uncles and aunties went through. My father and his family were shuttled to Heart Mountain, WY. My mother and her family were sent to Poston, AZ. As they have recounted for me over the years, the only things they could take with them were whatever could fit in a suitcase. That meant both sides of my family leaving behind homes, land, businesses, and possessions - all of which were gone when they returned.

Although neither the Doi nor Hirata families have talked about their camp experience all that much over the years, I've tried to piece together what I've could growing up - whether through family history, by reconstructing stories of Nisei's whose funerals I've officiated, and by visiting the JANM in Downtown LA and the Manzanar memorial near the Sierra Nevadas most recently. My parents and uncles and aunties would talk about the bitter cold of winter and the scorching sun of summer. Of the sports leagues and sock hop dances.

But still some of the most vivid images of the camp experience emanate from Wakatsuki's story. She has managed to paint the most complete picture of what camp experience was like - both inside and outside those terrible barracks.

Two of my most treasured possessions of my Japanese heritage are a weathered wooden baseball trophy my dad won as a little league third baseman at Heart Mountain; the other is a 1973 first printing hardcopy of "Farewell to Manzanar."

JOYA'S First Student Workshop!

2009-10-05T19:15:00.000-07:00

JOYA Scholars held its first student workshop, "APPLYING TO COLLEGE” last Monday at the El Puente de Gracia in the Garnet Neighborhood. Our facilitator Jessica Parris, a Solidarity board member and former Director of Counseling for Collegewise, offered her extensive knowledge of college admissions and heart of advocacy for students and families who lack resources.

We currently have 14 students and 5 mentors who have committed to the Mentoring Program for the 2009-2010 school year and expect a handful of additional students and mentors to join soon.

Here is a report by Bianca Pena, Program Director for JOYA, describing the first workshop:

"Kevin joined us for the beginning and shared a few words with the students - that we believe in them, that we believe college will help them be what they want to be (doctors, social workers, lawyers, business owners etc.) and that we exist FOR them. It was a wonderful start to our time together.

Afterwards, mentors and mentees chatted and started to get to know each other.

Then Jessica taught the students, providing a very thorough explanation of what college admission officers will look for in college applications - everything from grades to test scores, to activities, to the critical personal statement. She was able to provide a very current description of what colleges are looking for. They're no longer looking for students who are involved in a list of things. Instead, colleges are looking for students who are involved in 1, 2 or 3 things that they love and are passionate about. That's a golden piece of guidance!

Following the teaching, mentees and mentors discussed what the mentees were learning and any questions they had. We wrapped with Q&A and announcements - ie. PSAT 10/17/09 test date for 10th graders, 12th graders need to take the SAT no later than 12/5/09 etc. A few of the questions asked by the students are mentioned below...

Gerardo, an eighth grader, asked, "How do you get into Honors classes?" Another student asked, "What happens if you do well in 10th & 11th grade, but not as well in 12th grade?" Briana, one of our two seniors, asked if we could visit some colleges."

JOYA Scholars Kick-Off Event!

2009-09-15T22:51:00.001-07:00

After a group of dreamers and educators met over the past nine months to create a program to inspire and prepare students from the Garnet Neighborhood to succeed in college, JOYA Scholars finally got underway on Monday!

There was a full house at the Garnet Community Center! Over 70 students and parents, Joya mentors, and advisory team members came together for the first time over dinner to learn more about the program.

Joya friends Luis Orona and Janette Castillo gave inspiring speeches of overcoming meager beginnings from the projects in Mexico and South Central LA, respectively. Students were encouraged to aim high and dream big; parents were exhorted to commit to their child's education, to supporting their child going to college.

Program Director Bianca Pena shared the mission of Joya to the students; Mentor Sandra Franco translated our hopes to the parents. Through it all, the message was singular: Each student was sitting there, specially invited, because we believed in them. We believe in their talents and dreams, their smarts and hard work. We believe they can succeed in life beyond what they can imagine. We believe they can change the world. Change their world. And if they wanted, we were there to help them.

Thanks to our most amazing team and the many generous and supportive friends of JOYA who gave of their time, talents, and money to make the evening such a success!

More updates to come as the program begins later this month with student and parent workshops, college tours, and mentoring.

Join us in changing the life of a student and and his or her family by donating or being a mentor. Visit us here.

Here's to breaking the cycle of poverty one student at a time!

It's Been Some Kind of Year!

2009-09-13T22:56:00.000-07:00

I've had me a tremendous last 12 months: We had to redo our hardwood floors 3x, all because an inadvertent nail in a baseboard happened to pierce a bathroom pipe the first time, and the repairs the second time weren't done right. My truck got hit twice, once at an on-ramp signal going to house church and the other while parked at a Starbucks, coming out of an Oasis meeting. Today, our house got broken into.

I write this not to invite sympathy (I realize these are mostly sufferings of the privileged, compared to the great injustices that exist in the world, but they still have a way of leaving one bruised and feeling vulnerable). I mostly write this to help me remember when all this was going on, to help me process. And how, in the end, I have to admit there is much to be thankful for despite the crumminess of it all. I'd much prefer that all this crap not have happened, but I am grateful for tender mercies nevertheless. Our floors did get fixed and redone - better than ever. My truck looks like new (at least the rear end does), though it's an old '96. And though there is some damage to the house and some rattled nerves, unbelievably nothing was taken and we were not harmed.

Unlike conventional evangelical theology which might suggest at this point that God is causing these things to teach us a lesson, I choose to believe that bad things happen partly because of our choices or the choices of others, but also sometimes because we live in a fallen world where evil and the accidental are a reality. That is not to say I have nothing to learn. Or that God isn't trying to teach me something. But I am saying this is not his method. I am saying that God does not cause bad things to happen so that I can learn something good. This would make God a horribly sadistic deity and I'd have to find some other line of work, because I ain't believing this nonsense and certainly not teaching it to others. Like any good parent, we don't have to cause bad things to happen to our children in order to teach them something good. Instead, we know that they will inevitably get hurt in the course of this life, and sometimes good can come of it as redemptive act - as something learned. A grace. Sometimes.

I don't believe the popular platitude that, "All things happen for a reason." I don't believe it because it's not true. It's nowhere to be found in Scripture. The plain truth is that many crummy and downright inexplicable things happen for absolutely no good reason. Yes, no good reason. So we don't have to feel pressed to turn bad things into good ones because we are convinced there is something God is trying to teach us - if we could only dry the tears long enough to see them. Instead, we can mourn the bad as bad, period. We can call the horrible horrible, the tragic tragic.

What Scripture does seem to reveal, however, is that the God of Jesus Christ assumes a fallen world in which people sin and are sinned against, and where both the beautiful and the terrible happen. The power of God is not to stop all bad things from happening, but that no bad thing can stop God's loving presence in our lives in the midst of bad things. The power of God is not to stop death, but to resurrect the dead.

No matter whose fault all this mess belongs to - you, me, the other guy, or the devil - God takes responsibility for it. First he weeps with us in solidarity with our pain. Then he offers us redemption. Sometimes in the form of healing and glimpses of mercy in this life. Sometimes only in the hope of resurrection in the next. Through it all, I can only confess and cling to the hope that nothing can separate us from the love of Christ - even when the reality of my circumstances seem to betray this truth. "Neither life nor death, nothing above or below, nor anything else in all creation" we are told. Apparently not even a warped floor, a dented bumper, or a broken window in a span of 12 months.

WHAT DONORS ARE LOOKING FOR

2009-09-08T14:42:00.000-07:00

A few years ago, a friend and I attended the Craigslist Foundation's Non-Profit Bootcamp - a one day intensive of training, networking, and idea-exchanging around improving and strengthening our communities. I was already serving as a director on several boards, but since the launching of Joya Scholars this year, I've had a more acute awareness of what's at stake in the connection between fundraising and our organization's mission, values, and philosophy - and articulating that to current and potential donors and volunteers. Recently I revisited my notes to find some helpful principles based on a keynote address author Kay Sprinkel Grace gave on fundraising:

KEY FUNDRAISING PRINCIPLES:

1. People give because you meet needs, not because you have needs.
It's social investment, not begging. People give to what they value. Philanthropy is how love is expressed > with action for public good.

2. A gift to you is a gift through you.
People are not giving to your organization, but to impacting lives in the community.

3. All statistics about your reach must be enriched with stories of impact.
We must ask, "How do we enroll investors in the promise of transformation?" This must be measurable. Funders want to give and identify with work of high moral purpose (impact). We must answer: "How would the community (and world) be different if you received all your resources?"

4. Fundraising is not about money, but relationships.
Have a bigger goal beyond your financial goal. Donors expect: 1.impact, 2. issues, 3.investment, 4. involvement, 5. innovation.

5. It's not about you.
It's about the community. Internal marketing is as important as external marketing in helping the organization think transformation not transaction.

Fallen Comrades

2009-09-04T17:19:00.000-07:00

I've had several discussions of late on the moral failings of religious and other public figures (politicians mostly, and many self-professed Christians and Promise Keepers at that), trying to understand why these things happen and the dynamics involved, both for the fallen leader and those who must deal with the aftermath. I just e-mailed a friend my thoughts on just one aspect of the problem, an excerpt of my response below:

"In my opinion, part of the problem with pastors as well as politicians, and really anyone in positions of power, is that the system helps to create the dynamics that lead to people falling. It's not just an individual with a moral indiscretion, but a whole system that produces secret behavior and a value for appearances. Such contexts make it difficult, and nearly emotionally impossible for the broken to feel they can be honest, already believing no one would understand, that everyone would reject them if they new the truth. And often times, unfortunately, they are right to believe so.

In evangelical circles, we are enamored with "accountability groups." But by and large accountability groups don't work. Many accountability groups assume perfection, then expect confession, followed by some pronouncement of forgiveness, with the exhortation to do better. I am not against accountability out right. But I have a different starting point: I don't assume perfection, but failure. Addicts and other strugglers are not helped by being told to do better, but by belonging to other sinners who extend grace and acceptance, and a commitment of love and relationship where screwing up is, well, pretty much normal. In the company of sinners, a sense of not being alone empowers everyone to be honest, deal with pain, and get better - without the fear of being rejected.

What pastors need are not accountability groups, but friends. What pastors can get wrong about leadership is seeing people as a means for some other end, usually the growth of the church, versus people being the end in of themselves. Love is always the means and the end, because people are the goal. Pastors can help create churches in which the goal is something other than deep relationships of grace, a grace which allows us to look inside with honesty and tell the truth about ourselves - and that this is NORMATIVE for the community, of which pastor is chief sinner. Church is really about connection, and often times the way church is done does not allow the pastor to have deep connection with friends who can hear the saddness, frustration, and failings of the pastor, while speaking into the pastor's life with wisdom, grace, and encouragement. The pastor is often the author and victim of the system he (and it's almost always he) creates. In Haggard's case, the church responded to him exactly the way he taught them to! With little grace for other sinners and even less for himself, the result was inevitable. To top it off, Haggard was in an accountability group but alas it did no good. Sadly, he had no real friends.

Suffice it to say, I don't want to be in a "successful" church where I am elevated simply because "I'm the man" or find myself emotionally isolated because the structure of the church points itself toward accomplishment rather than real relationship. I too am only human, a pastor who is one among equals. I want to lead in and through relationship and connection, starting with my own life of failure versus just getting things done so I/the church are seen as impressive. I need a different kind of church because I know the kind of person I am. I need a church for people like me. I need friends."

GOMER

2009-09-03T11:20:00.000-07:00

It's been a blast teaching through the Book of Hosea on Sunday mornings after so much trepidation on my part, mostly knowing I felt called to preach on it but not knowing exactly why. What was the word for Epic? I hadn't a clue at the time. If you missed any of the messages, you can catch the series on our website.

From the feedback I've received along the way, the realization that 1) grace precedes sin and 2) that God is for us - even when our own experience living in a broken world betrays that reality - seems to have struck a chord with many. Too often in the evangelical world we are taught that the starting point of the gospel is "We are terrible sinners incapable of any good, deserving wrath and punishment." Our only conclusion, "O what a wretched wiener am I!" (worm theology it's been called), so "How could God possibly love me?"

Certainly we are sinners and incapable of faithfulness except by the grace of God. But the gospel doesn't start with "I'm a sinner." It begins with "I am chosen and loved." It starts with "God loves me and has prepared many good things for me to do and experience in this world." Sin is what messes things up, sin is what gets in the way of me relating with God and others so the good prepared for me can be realized. This is precisely the truth revealed in Hosea. It's God's way of making his love known. (Later in the NT, Jesus uses the Prodigal Son story to do the same thing.) The initiation starts from God's side (Hosea) to Gomer (that would be Israel/us), and what God initiates is love, what God gives is himself: "Go, marry..." is Hosea's instruction. God loves, cares, and believes in us. He wants relationship with us. He sees his people as his bride.

It is nearly unbearable to watch as Gomer goes wayward and Israel goes haywire in sin. But it serves to remind us that we all have a bit of Gomer is us, that every church, no matter how faithful, has its own Gomer story. But because we are first loved, that grace precedes repentance, we can rest assured that no matter how far gone we go, God never withholds relationship. It is precisely his love and kindness in the midst of sin that allows us to look honestly at our own unfaitfulness, knowing there is not a finger wagging back at us in shameful indignation, but a kind of hopefulness for us. With the God of Hosea, conviction of sin acts as a kind of mercy, a kind of gracious warning bell signaling that we have wandered needlessly away and are being called by name (wooed, for you romantics) to return to our first love.

That's why the book of Hosea is ultimately a story of redemption: "Go, show your love to your wife again..." A story less about Gomer and more about Hosea's bewildering commitment. More about God's unbelievable affection than about us getting anything right necessarily. That's why the first movement of the spiritual life is not to serve or worship or join a bible study, but to be found, to be loved. And learning to live out of that deep core of acceptance and affirmation is the only way to walk with God and offer a gift of love in return. A gift of grateful response and connection. The gift of us. Which is what God desires most of all.

To close our series, I plan to read from Frederick Buechner's beautifully earthy and moving reflection on "Gomer" from Peculiar Treasures, a piece which poignantly speaks to the depth of Hosea's love for Gomer, and God's love for us:

GOMER by Frederick Buechner
From Peculiar Treasures

She was always good company – a little heavy with the lipstick maybe, a little less than choosy about men and booze, a little loud, but great on a party and always good for a laugh. Then the prophet Hosea came along wearing a sandwich board that read “The End is at Hand” on one side and “Watch Out” on the other.

The first time he asked her to marry him, she thought he was kidding. The second time she knew he was serious but thought he was crazy. The third time she said yes. He wasn’t exactly a swinger, but he had a kind face, and he was generous, and he wasn’t all that crazier than everybody else. Besides, any fool could see he loved her.

Give or take a little, she even loved him back for a while, and they had three children whom Hosea named with queer names like Not-pitied-for-God-will-no-longer-pity-Israel-now-that-it’s-gone-to-the-dogs so that every time the roll was called at school, Hosea would be scoring a prophetic bullseye in absentia. But everybody could see the marriage wasn’t going to last, and it didn’t.

While Hosea was off hitting the sawdust trail, Gomer took to hitting as may night spots as she could squeeze into a night, and any resemblance between her next batch of children and Hosea was purely coincidental. It almost killed him, of course. Every time he raised a hand to her, he burst into tears. Every time she raised one to him, he was the one who ended up apologizing.

He tried locking her out of the house a few times when she wasn’t in by five in the morning, but he always opened the door when she finally showed up and helped get her to bed if she couldn’t see straight enough to get there herself. Then one day she didn’t show up at all.

He swore that this time he was through with her for keeps, but of course he wasn’t. When he finally found her, she was lying passed out in a highly specialized establishment located above an adult bookstore, and he had to pay the management plenty to let her out of her contract. She’d lost her front teeth and picked up some scars you had to see to believe, but Hosea had her back again and that seemed to be all that mattered.

He changed his sandwich board to read “God is love” on one side and “There’s no end to it” on the other, and when he stood on the street corner belting out

How can I give you up, O Ephraim!
How can I hand you over, O Israel!
For I am God and not man,
The Holy One in your midst (Hosea 11:8-9)

nobody can say how many converts he made, but one thing that’s for sure is that, including Gomer’s, there was seldom a dry eye in the house. (Hosea 1-3, 11)

New Music (Mostly)

2009-09-02T23:41:00.000-07:00

After what seemed like a drought as long as the one we're experiencing in rain-challenged Southern California, there's finally a crop of new music worth listening to and artists worth seeing, which I'm hoping to do in the next several months. Here's some of them:

MAYER HAWTHORNE "Strange Arrangement"
A throw-back to my days growing up listening to 1580 KDAY and KJLH, part Motown, part Philly Sound with inflections of the Stylistics and Blue Magic. Heard him last month on KCRW and wondered first, "Is this KCRW?" and then, "What old school group is this?" Find out it's a White dude in Los Angeles via Michigan. Planning to see him next Thursday at the Roxy. Track recommendation: "Maybe So, Maybe No", "Strange Arrangement"

WEATHER PENDING "And How!"
Another find from KCRW. Got a kick out the fact that the band actually tweeted me back after I gave them some props, couldn't believe it! A San Fransisco-based trio of very cool, groovy, electronica, with dreamy vocals. Hoping they make a stop in LA sometime. Track recommendation: "Complicated Two", "Electricity"

KATE EARL "Kate Earl"
Prized her debut album, and the follow up features her lovely voice couched in a more produced, poppy sound with the hope, I imagine, of reaching a broader audience. Got to see her twice at the Hotel Cafe a few years back and actually got to chat with her, a really sweet person. Happy to see her doing so well, Single of the Week and Top Ten on iTunes last week. Track recommendation: "Jump", "Melody"

FRIENDLY FIRES "Friendly Fires"
The record has been out for awhile now, but loved listening to this UK band during the summer (esp. "Paris"), and they're touring now. Can't help but listening and being transported to another place, usually some sweaty disco somewhere. Track recommendation: "Jump In the Pool", "Paris"

PHOENIX "Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix"
Another album in rotation for summer, especially after seeing them at the Wiltern in June. Rick and I had a blast! More synth-based, catchy pop from these Frenchmen. Track recommendation: "Lasso", "Listomania"

Also Zee Avi, Artic Monkeys, Metric

80 Million Unexploded Bombs

2009-09-02T22:22:00.000-07:00

Today, I heard this heartbreaking if not infuriating feature on NPR/PRI about the decades-long condition in Laos which continues as a result of steep poverty in that country and the blind eye of other nations, including apparently, the U.S. It's almost hard to believe this goes on.

Here is the trailer to the story:
"When you have no money and no opportunity to make any, you’ll do just about anything to survive. That can include risking your life for a few dollars a day. This is what many kids and adults do in the southeast Asian country of Laos. They trek into the forest to look for scrap metal they can sell for cash. The danger is that that scrap metal consists largely of bombs left over from the Vietnam War."

Listen to the Full Story here.
More Info: MAG (Mines Advisory Group)

Introducing Joya Scholars

2009-06-18T20:58:00.001-07:00

Along with a great group of passionate and talented people, I've had the privilege of helping to start a new non-profit birthed out of a collaboration with Solidarity. Joya Scholars is a program with the mission of inspiring and preparing students of families from low- income neighborhoods in Fullerton toward higher education. We are focusing our efforts on the Garnet Neighborhood where there have been no college graduates to emerge in the last decade. Without a vision or real access to college education, the future for most of these kids is bleak: dropping out of high school, life in gangs, teen pregnancy, or low-paying jobs await them. We're hoping to change that.

If you'd like to find out more about JOYA or join us as a volunteer or donor, please let us know:

Joya Scholars
Bianca Pena, Program Director
PO Box 1457
Fullerton CA 92836
(714) 322-JOYA
www.joyascholars.org

Join us breaking the cycle of poverty one student at a time!

UP

2009-06-15T23:13:00.000-07:00

I finally saw UP with my family. Loved it! The five-minute or so recap of Carl and Ellie's life at the beginning of the movie to set up the film's premise has got to be one of the most endearing, heartbreaking, and treasured things you may ever see on screen. As I've reflected upon it today, it's a story about adventure to be sure, but mostly about loss: A widower and his wife, the couple and their house, and a son and his absent father. The adventure part of UP exists and emerges precisely at the intersection of Carl's and Russell's particular emptiness and the search to fill it, or in this case, fulfill it. As is the nature of adventure, not is always as it seems, and there are plenty of lessons to be gleaned and kicked around along the way, this film is no exception:

- You always take a bit of home with you wherever you go.
- Sometimes an adventure necessitates leaving the unnecessary behind.
- And the boring stuff is the stuff you remember most.

I've thought about the first as it relates to healing; that our experience of home growing up always stays with us, no matter what, no matter how old, offering a mixture both wonderful and painful. I've realized that with all the healing I have sought and been graciously given as an adult, there is still much of my youth that remains at the core, some now as nostalgia, but much as melancholy over what could have been.

I've reflected on the second over the last many years, of course, as it relates to Jesus. His call for us to lay down our lives, pick up our cross, and follow him is the stuff of divine adventure. But inherent in that call is to leave what may be treasured but unnecessary behind. I am regularly haunted by all the stuff I deem important wondering how much of it has kept me tethered to the ground, instead of up and exploring life in the kingdom. What is the unnecessary I must unload so I am free to pursue what is truly necessary? That's a holy journey.

And I've reminisced quite a bit about my own growing up, having shared that what I recall most fondly as a kid are indeed the mundane things - going to the hardware store with my dad, listening to Vin Scully on the radio as we cleaned out the garage, shooting hoop with my mom on the driveway. For this reason, I've told parents not to be surprised if it turns out that the times we were least conscious of our "parenting", end up being the moments that most shape our children. Somehow, it is the most boring, everyday, mundane things we remember most. Not because, I think, the moment was so important necessarily, but that we felt important in that moment. I don't ever recall what was said in those activities with my mom and dad, all I remember is that they shared that moment with me.

Having seen UP today on the heels of watching Benjamin Button for the first time last night, I am struck that what aches at our hearts is the loss of time, how we wish at some level things could stay the same and never change. I often think about my children in this way. But more than that, it's the loss of relationship that is allowed to pass as a reality and function of time: a spouse, a house, a father, a dream. Some people, some things, can never be replaced. And time does not stand still. But what UP does teaches us is that we can learn to enjoy new relationships, on new adventures, creating new memories, while never forgetting, or leaving far behind, what gave our memories, and losses, so much meaning to our lives in the first place.

El Capitan State Beach Vacation

2009-06-12T22:02:00.001-07:00

We've been avid campers over the years, an inexpensive and wonderful way to enjoy beauty up close - and surefire way to be grateful for a hot shower. But we camped almost exclusively at the great national parks. I think it was an experience at Pismo Beach as a college student (basically camping in a sand storm!) that made me shy away from the state beaches. But because of a short week, we headed to El Capitan just north of Santa Barbara. I couldn't have been more surprised...and happier. For some reason I thought the campsites just couldn't compare to the national parks, but I was wrong. The sites were terrific and the facilities were great. Of course a different part of nature to enjoy, but completely relaxing - and with a 2-hour drive home instead of seven or eight, I actually felt rested when we got back. There is something to be said about the pace of camping, where things are deliberate and inefficient and slow. You notice the stars in the sky, the thousands of rocks on the beach, and your own silly family sitting around a smokey campfire. In short, you feel more connected to the earth, in all its earthiness.

Thinking Inside the Box

2009-06-12T21:06:00.000-07:00

A significant takeaway I got from Lynda Resnick's enjoyable Rubies in the Orchard was her adamant bias toward thinking inside the box, a bit surprising given her tremendous success as marketer. But she poses the obvious question, "How many successful people have you met in your entire life who can really, truly 'think outside the box'? When was the last time you encountered someone who is able to conceptualize and create something that is truly new - something unlike anything that has come before?" Einstein, maybe Steve Jobs, certainly God himself. The rest of us 'nongeniuses' (and Resnick includes herself here) are apt to achieve something that unhinges from reality when we are convinced that the answers reside outside our organization. Instead, Resnick has designed all her companies to facilitate and encourage thinking inside the box, to allow for deeper and deeper unearthing of value within. The result is that she prefers in-house work over outside consultants, homegrown talent over outside ringers. The implications seem ripe for the church: What is the hidden gem(s) in our organization or church community? What is the value that already resides there and how can we enhance it? As I've longed surmised, what we need are not more presumptive conferences sponsored by people who don't know us, but more and better time of our own thinking, dreaming, and addressing our threats and opportunities - searching for and valuing the unique beauty that God has already posited in our midst. Maybe the answers that elude us most stare us in the face each week.

A Beautiful Parenting Moment

2009-06-12T19:40:00.000-07:00

A few weeks back, Tea, Pastor Erin's daughter, was trying to keep herself occupied in the church office after finishing a day at preschool. She was writing on our ginormous white board with a dry erase marker when she suddenly stopped and remarked, "I don't know where the cap is? I can't seem to find it." She resigned, "I didn't do it, it must have fallen off somehow." Then Erin, in a bit of stellar parenting very gently said to Tea, "It's OK if it's your fault. We're allowed to make mistakes." Sitting at my desk and observing the interchange was a touching thing to witness. I immediately wondered, "How many adults wished their dads had said that to them, even once?" Grace assumes mistakes.

Leadership Nugget

2009-05-07T09:30:00.000-07:00

In this week's Time, writer Joel Stein ranks the magazine's 100 Most Influential People in the World in his "Awesome Column," according to their contributions to him. In justifying his personal rankings, he notes that out of the Time 100, he's only heard of 48, and actually met seven (which is still seven more than I have, though I can say I've stood 20 feet from M.I.A. and even closer to John Legend, both on the list). Stein goes on to say something interesting about leadership in that it rings so true, yet still seems oddly counter-intuitive, even absent in many churches. Referencing Harvard Professor Nicholas Christakis' studies on how people influence each other, Stein writes, "Christakis studies are right: the people who influence us most aren't our leaders, titans or heroes. The people who most affect us are the ones we spend the most time with." In light of Pastor Erin's current series on leadership, this affirms our philosophy of leadership at epic. While it is true that people can affect us toward both the good or harmful, it is equally true that the most profound influence is the result of proximity and relationship. In the church, while programs, curriculum, and gifting can be helpful, and uber:leaders are a cult fascination, nothing replaces the simple investment of one person with another toward character development, life process, and kingdom purposes. After all these years and after endless trends, true leadership still looks like discipleship. True influence looks like relationship. Jesus showed us the way.

McMermaid

2009-05-06T23:34:00.000-07:00

I enjoyed reading the LA Times article "Selling Coffee Becomes Diacritical for McDonald's". It's an insightful telling of the irony in the Golden Arches' latest ad campaign ("McCafe"), the fast-food giant's attempt to gain ground on Starbucks at the same time Starbucks has clearly mcfranchised its way to becoming the McDonald's of coffee.

Here's an excerpt from the excellent Dan Neil article:

What's fascinating to me about all this is the arc of coffee in America. A decade ago, the Starbucks audience was primarily affluent, college-educated progressives, a self-selected clientele of so-called latte liberals. Starbucks imported the notion of cafe society into the United States. It was the promised "third place" between home and work, where one could relax, read, talk and delectify a good cuppa in peace. Starbucks was social without the media.

But soon, in a mysterious alchemy between status and stimulants, Starbucks became prestige coffee, an aspirational beverage. The company, attempting to keep up with the money flooding in, standardized its retail environments, replaced its La Marzocco machines with automatic espresso machines, started to sell breakfast and lunch, and began hawking truckloads of branded merchandise and music.

By February 2007, Starbucks had well and truly sold out. In a notorious memo, Chairman Howard Schultz admitted the company had sacrificed the "romance and theater" of the coffee-shop experience to efficiency and profit. The sites, Schultz lamented, "no longer have the soul of the past and reflect a chain of stores versus the warm feeling of a neighborhood store."

Starbucks failed, in other words, when it became the McDonald's of coffee. It seems only fair, perhaps inevitable, that Mickey D's fall on its big red nose attempting to be the Starbucks of fast-food.

I couldn't help but think there is a cautionary tale here for Epic: It would be silly for us to sacrifice our beautiful uniqueness and boutiqueness of a community chasing better business acumen or coveting the next edgy "movement," losing our soul and becoming indistinguishable from a thousand other churches in the process. That wouldn't be interesting and neither would we.

"Words Seem Inconsequential"

2009-04-15T23:53:00.000-07:00

I appreciated TJ Simers' column in today's LA Times reflecting on the death of Angels pitcher Nick Adenhart. It was sensitive, sober, and heartfelt, and certainly a departure of tone for Simers. I don't know how many times I have heard people, including Christians, say that "everything happens for a reason." But that's just not true, it's not even biblical (more on this in an upcoming post). Some things, sometimes tragic things, are just senseless and unexplicable - and happen for no good reason.

Kogi Run

2009-04-03T12:52:00.001-07:00

Finally made a run to the Kogi truck last night at midnight (and paying for it today!). Came home from a great meeting for our college-prep non-profit (I think we have our program director!); Noticed on Twitter that Rowland Hts had beat out Santa Monica and Eagle Rock for Thursday's late-night Kogi rush, so I made the five-minute trip. At first it looked like a short line, but then realized it was half way up the block. But by the time I got in line and took one whiff of the downwind BBQ aroma, I was committed. Unsuccessfully tried to coax some friends out of their homes and out of their jammies to join me, but to no avail - so I braved the cold and made some new friends in line. By the time I got my tacos at 2AM I was both starving and damned tired. Reminded me of latenight Tommy runs on Rampart back in the day. But last night as I realized I was the oldest dude in line, it sunk in that maybe I'm getting too old for this kind of stuff!

spazzkid and spark

2009-03-19T02:07:00.000-07:00

A couple of talented friends at Epic have a new EP...really terrific stuff! Go for a spin

Bad and Getting Worse

2009-03-18T17:28:00.000-07:00

A scary sobering outlook on AIG and the failing economy from round table of heavyweights, including Hank Greenberg, Meredith Whitney, Carol Loomis.

Obama SoCal Town Halls

2009-03-18T17:26:00.000-07:00

Listen here on KCRW

Fascinating Interviews

2009-03-16T01:40:00.000-07:00

I stay up too late, but for good reason: I love to watch Charlie Rose. He recently devoted a week to often fascinating interviews on role of technology/business with implications for what constitutes future community, connection, culture. Here are three of the best:

Marc Andreeseen, entrepreneur, founder Ning, Netscape, investor Twitter
Jeff Bezos, founder Amazon
Lynda Resnick, marketing whiz, author "Rubies in the Orchard

The Culture of Zappos

2009-03-12T13:28:00.000-07:00

While waiting for my son's appointment at the eye doctor, I came across this Fortune article about the internet company Zappos, recognized as one of the best companies to work for in the magazine's list. I enjoyed reading about the culture they have created there and how they've gone about doing it. With their values for community, empowerment, quirkiness, and fun, I thought the church could learn a thing or two from them.

Zappos knows how to kick it
The 10 Commandments of Zappos

Serving Enemy Pie

2009-03-11T16:11:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday during my message on the relationship between Jesus and Judas, I read from the book "Enemy Pie" by Derek Munson. It's a clever and poignant story about a boy who learns the most effective recipe for turning a No.1 enemy into a best friend. In a nutshell, it's the gospel in the form of a children's story about the power of love and friendship. Jesus sums up the message of the book when he says, "You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven."

If you're like me, I had for years read the command to love your enemies and thought to myself, "Well that's easy to say, not so easy to do Jesus!" Because it probably goes without saying that one of the most difficult things to do in life, if not completely counter intuitive, is to love the very people who have hurt us or are trying to harm us, or both. But this interpretation of moral high ground is founded on the assumption that what Jesus seeks is that we love our enemies from the inside out, that to love our enemies means we dig deep and find within ourselves a change of heart, a feeling of good will toward the stinkers of the world.

But reading the "Enemy Pie" story has helped me to see that maybe that's not what Jesus had in mind at all. Surely it is a noble and admirable act if you can muster up love toward your enemy from the inside out, that you are so transformed by the love of Christ that a fountain of compassion and forgivenesss erupt from within you toward those who have hurt or betrayed you.

I'm just not one of those people.

But what if even Jesus understood that such transformation was more exception than the rule? That he wasn't just calling for an exceptional display of saintly willpower but something more akin to a power of resignation? In that case, maybe what Jesus was alluding to was not unsimilar to what the boy's father had in mind. The boy's dad was wise and told his son that in order for the pie to work, you had to first be nice to your enemy for a whole day.

Many years ago as a pastoral intern learning to work with couples and learning to be a new husband myself, the best advice I ever got had to do with those times when the fire has gone out in the relationship. When you've lost that loving feeling. Yes, you can hope the feelings just return by themselves. But what do you do when that's not the case? How do we get the romance back when the feelings are no longer there? And this is what works: "Act as if." The key to making your way back to love is to "act as if..." Act as if you care and the caring will return. Be nice to your spouse, admire her, affirm and appreciate her. Certainly, it's preferable (and more romantic) when the feelings come gushing out from within that lead naturally to affection, admiration, and respect. But what if they don't? That's when you have to "act as if." Sometimes the feelings are there and the deeds follow - great, that's how it should be. But at other times, the deeds have to come first, with the hope that the feelings follow. And as studies have shown, the feeling often do arrive! (John Gottman, University of Washington research scientist on marriage and family writes extensively on this subject in his book, "The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work").

In "Enemy Pie," the young boy takes his dad's instruction to heart and begins to treat his enemy with kindness...only to be surprised when the strange feelings of enjoyment come upon him: "This is not working, he says, I'm not supposed to be having fun with my enemy!" The boy "acted as if" - and his feelings toward the enemy had changed. By the time it came time to serve up the "pie of poison," the boy no longer had a best enemy, but a best friend.

I'm wondering if that's not, at least in part, what Jesus had in mind when he said those impossible words, "Love your enemies." Sure, we can hope feelings of forgiveness and goodness are present first before moving toward loving action. But in doing so, I also think we can run the danger of waiting forever for those feelings to materialize - and end up never doing anything. But what if we understand Jesus' words as the call to act first, to actually love our enemies precisely because we don't, when the feelings of love still escape us? Maybe what Jesus knows is that if we risk to act, our hearts will follow. "Act as if." I realize this is not a guarantee. Nor something to be tried in every situation. Nor easy. I realize this is still impossible without a touch of grace. But at least it's a movement, at least it is a step in the direction of love.

I can't help but think that when Jesus asked his disciples to prepare the Passover meal, a meal that would become the Last Supper, it was his version of serving up "enemy pie." With his betrayer present at the table, Jesus offers Judas the bread and wine just as he did the other eleven, in a last-ditch effort to keep him in the circle of love. Jesus does this knowing full well that what he is serving is not enemy pie at all, but a meal of grace. In Jesus' eyes, through this one act of love, Judas wasn't an enemy, but friend.

They Blew Up the Cannons!

2009-01-22T12:32:00.001-08:00

On Tuesday they were there, and all of a sudden on Wednesday they were gone! Apparently Don Martin of AM570 and Clear Channel have blown up the Loose Cannons for good. For me, it is a very sad and disappointing day. More than television, radio benefits and is reliant on the familiarity of its voices. That's why the inexplicable firing of Ross Porter as one of the voices of the Dodgers was such a travesty. He's not just an announcer, but a nostalgic voice of a city and team that links past with the present that cannot be replaced. I once heard Kurt Rambis's wife say after the death of Chick Hearn that what she'll miss the most was the reassurance of his voice. Even if she wasn't watching the game, but could hear Chickie Baby's voice on the simulcast, she knew somehow things were alright with the world. The Cannons had as similar effect for me. But over the past few years, since moving over to 570, the station has been constantly changing its format and personalities, letting go of mainstains like Hacksaw Hamilton, who with the Cannons anchored and built up the station for years. Of course it's always been Steve Hartman's show, but the most recent trio of Hartman, Mychal Thompson, and Vic the Brick - with their on-air bickering, bantering, and over-the-top histrionics - always made for an entertaining drive during the day when that's what you needed. Wow, Nic Harcourt and now this - LA radio suddenly lost its voice...and soul, too.

Firsts

2009-01-22T11:26:00.000-08:00

On Obama's first day as president, I couldn't help but think of Jesus' oft-spoken words, "The last will be first, and the first will be last." Of course that is the eternal promise, when God will make all things right, the sweet song of justice. It is the rare occasion, on the other hand, in the here and now, to glimpse this prophetic inversion, when those on the bottom of society, the bottom of the system, the bottom of agendas find their way to the top. Rarer still is to bear witness to such an event in the dramatic terms we did before the entire world. This of course was the reality that made Tuesday the historic day it was. During the inaugural coverage, while the first couple were making their way back to the White House after the parade, it was noted how amazing it was to think that the very walls of the place the Obama's now call home was itself built by hands and sweat of slaves not long ago. Maybe more than anything, this is the first of hopes upon us.

Get On Your Boots

2009-01-20T23:01:00.000-08:00

Review of U2's new single GOYB from the forthcoming No Line On the Horizon.

44

2009-01-20T21:47:00.000-08:00

By all accounts a remarkable day! Amongst the pomp and paegantry of the day, often most poignant were the things unspoken: When Barack and Michelle Obama were greeted at the steps of the White House by President and Mrs. Bush prior to the inauguration. Seeing all the former presidents escorted out of the tunnel to their seats at the Capitol, followed by the solidarity president elect on his way to becoming commander-in-chief. Then there was the send off of the Bush's by the new president for a final fly-by over their old stomping grounds before heading back to Texas. But the ceremony itself was surprisingly unspectacular. There was the fumbling of the actual swearing in that made these important people all the more human. But the invocation and benediction seemed more a rehearsal of the moment than a prayer for the new first family, and the poetry reading was painfully anticlimatic and uninspiring, probably in part due to its placement in the ceremony - after the president's inaugural speech!? Then there was the speech. Obama was his usual riveting self, but this speech was not one for the ages that his acceptance speech was on election night. Here he was sober and tough, a call to civic responsibility to all Americans while reaching across the globe to build bridges with friends as well as enemies. But I kept waiting for the momentum, the stirring that was so much a part of his speech in Chicago. I kept waiting for those quotable lines that would be repeated again and again forever that would fall down like grace from the sky. But I suppose he may have been a victim of his own brillance, his own mastery of the words, his own stunning ability to inspire. Still an unforgettable moment to be sure, but I suppose in this case, a moment that words cannot but fail to capture in its magnificence, historical signficance, and enthusiastic pride.

Inauguration Morning

2009-01-20T06:58:00.001-08:00

As I sit and await the swearing in of Barack Hussein Obama as our next president, I realize this may very well be the most significant historical event of my lifetime. Granted I'm only 44 years old, but I have never witnessed the kind of enthusiasm, expectation, and hope in our country than has been brought on by the American people electing its first black commander-in-chief. The sight of millions of people on the Mall is nothing short of breathtaking. Though the promise of change is not new ground for a president (they all promise such), you have to like a guy who is rumored to want to convert the white house bowling alley to a basketball court! But Obama represents a different kind of change. For one, he's the first president of a new generation. Along with significance for African Americans in this country, he is a president for a multicultural, hi-tech, grassroots generation of people who have a different worldview about race, a different way of communicating, and a different expectation of a president. Which leads to what hopes to be the biggest kind of change he may bring to Washington - a change of culture in American politics. If he is what he appears to be, Obama brings a quiet confidence without the arrogance of the most recent administration, a reassuring and welcomed intelligence, a cooperative spirit, and the promise to shoot straight, with the willingness to admit when he is wrong. With a new generation awaiting its new president, America expects nothing less than authenticity in its leaders. With that, Obama may very well be the only kind of president who can unify, inspire, and involve the country for such a time as this. Let's hope he can.

Heartbreak Indeed

2008-11-30T21:07:00.000-08:00

I realize I might be in the minority on this one, but I really dig Kanye West's latest release 808s & Heartbreak. Though not as musically adventurous as his college-themed albums, West takes a huge leap in exploring his inner world in ways seldom heard on record. On it West sounds like a man who has had his world turned upside down, which of course, he has. Recorded after the much publicized loss of his mother and breakup of a long engagement, West is completely autobiographical here, breathtakingly confessional. Instead of getting a recording after all the processing has been done, all the lessons learned, it's as if West is processing aloud and we are drawn into the very immediate, raw, dark journey with him. In the process, gone is most of the bravado and swagger from previous albums (though the jilted lover is present throughout), as is much of the sampling he's best known for, but all this without sacrificing his knack for catchy hooks and clever lyrics. It's simply a very good pop/R&B record.

An interesting thread on the album is the heartbeat you hear on every track in the drum or bass line, similar to what Brian Wilson accomplished on some of Pet Sounds. On "Say You Will," the opening track is framed by the ever-present sound of a heart monitor beeping slowly, methodically, signaling that a heartbeat does persist, if barely, but at the same time raising the question of just how long this heart will hold on? Is this a man at the end of things or is this the beginning of a life? Or both?

In the middle of the record are the upbeat "Love Lockdown" and the club-ready "Paranoid," a song as catchy, optimist and reassuring as anything he's written. But most of the record is an introspective journal of self-doubt and existential questioning. On "Welcome to Heartbreak" he ponders if life has indeed passed him bye, if he's somehow gained the whole world but lost his soul. On "Street Lights" he realizes moments are passing, even while he contemplates how unfair life has been. The result is seeing his destination ahead, but no longer certain if he wants to arrive there anymore. The fact that that West records his voice through AutoTune on most of the album creates an interesting tension, sounding more machine on a very human record.

But the showcase of 808s is the final track, "Pinocchio Story," recorded live in Singapore. It's an emotionally raw and remarkably moving song for its vulnerability and passion, stripped of any instrumentation except for sparse piano. In it West seems to be resigned that he has sacrificed a real life (one not overcome with photographers or autograph-hounding fans) in pursuit of fame and the flashing lights. "What's it feel like to have a real life?" he asks the crowd, and you feel his anguish (even if you get the sense the crowd has no idea what the song is about). By the end of the track, he is at his most intimate, offering a glimpse into his tortured soul, wondering aloud if his own ambition for the American Dream is ultimately to blame for his mother's untimely death by plastic surgery. The depth of his regret and guilt is difficult to hear in its honesty. He closes the song by faintly offering, "The wise men say...'Someday you'll find your way.'"

Standing there by himself on that big stage amongst all those people, you can't help but sense that he is utterly alone. I suppose we can ask if we should really feel sorry for Kanye West, given his usual schtick and all that he has. But like the record began, it does leave you wondering if he will find his way and what that will do for his music. And that makes for an intriguing question for the moment.

Room For One More

2008-11-26T12:47:00.000-08:00

It's holiday season, and with it, the onslaught of dinners with family and friends. All the more reason to recommend Christine Pohl's excellent book exploring the rich biblical and historical tradition of Christian hospitality through the centuries. It's not a "how-to" book, but more of a thoughtful read for the serious student on the topic. Especially wonderful are the chapters providing a theological framework for hospitality and the sober treatment of its limitations, boundaries, and temptations. Considering, as Pohl writes, "Hospitality is not optional for Christians, nor is it limited to those who are specially gifted for it," the book may be a worthwhile read for a lot of followers of Christ.

She puts forth that two NT texts in particular - Luke 14 and Matthew 25 - have shaped the distinction between conventional and Christian hospitality through the centuries. Of Luke 14, she notes that "Jesus challenges narrow definitions and dimensions of hospitality and presses them outward to include those with whom one least desires to have connections." Jesus is not exactly opposed to us inviting our friends or family over for dinner (certainly this the first step in hospitality and one that cannot be assumed in our postmodern world), but nor should we expect any special commendation for doing so - for even the larger society does this. What is distinctively Christian, according to Jesus, is to include the excluded, to radically alter in our eyes and company who we deem "good to be with."

In Pohl's exposition of Matthew 25, she notes, "Those who have welcomed strangers and have met the needs of persons in distress have welcomed Jesus himself, and are themselves welcomed into the Kingdom...this has been the most important passage for the entire tradition on Christian hospitality. 'I was a stranger and you welcomed me.'"

Considering that offers of food or a meal together are central to nearly all biblical stories of hospitality, the community here at Epic is exploring ways to include the stranger among us, whether that stranger is the person sitting next to us, the new visitor we're meeting for the first time, or the homeless person who walks through our doors. We no longer assume everyone can afford to go out to lunch. Or that everyone has a place to go for the holidays. Or that everyone knows somebody here. So we're experimenting with creative ways to be the church together, to open up our lives and homes to include a diversity of people. And we'd like to take the church out into our neighborhood to share our food and company with the hungry.

But there are no romantic notions here. And if there are, they will quickly vanish with the first rays of reality. Hospitality is hard work. It is inconvenient. It is uncomfortable. It challenges our core sense of privacy, of individuality, of preference. Frankly, I'm not good at it. I'm convinced this is another one of those things that cannot be done without a good amount of prayer.

As Pohl so wonderfully explains, Jesus is both stranger and host. From birth, he was a refugee. Later he was not welcomed even in his own hometown. He described himself once as one who had nowhere to lay his head. And yet he was host - to the tax collector and sinner, to the prostitute and the hungry - inclusive in his own being to those most likely to be excluded. Jesus is our inspiration. He is our reference point.

We want to be Jesus in this way. All of us are a stranger to someone. And all of us can be host to someone. This is our hope at Epic. To make room for one more. And in doing so, make room for Christ himself in our midst.

2008-11-23T17:15:00.000-08:00

There are now officially 31 more shopping days until bankruptcy!

Like the economy, the music biz seems to be suffering a major slowdown, but here's a groovy, jazzy, new album from Jazzanova worth a long listen (DJ Kris Maddox agrees!); makes a nice stocking stuffer for under $10.

808s and Heartbreak arrives on Monday. Read the review "Kanye West examines real vs. fake, puppet vs. human" by Ann Powers, critic for the LA Times for an interesting take. You can stream the album on myspace.

"This Just In...Evacuations In Diamond Bar..."

2008-11-19T23:04:00.000-08:00

Thanks to all who have asked how we were doing with regard to the fires - we really appreciate it! We're doing just fine, but it was a little scary for a few hours there. I was at a meeting at church on Sunday morning, but was paying close attention to updates being texted to me from a couple of close friends explaining that evacuations had now reached Diamond Bar with the fire threatening our little city.

I had a few duties during worship service, but we moved them to the front of the order, so I could leave right away to make sure our house wasn't up in flames, the result of a stray ember. My friend Carey went with me in case I needed to pack up stuff, but when we got to my house, there was little smoke and no ash. And the traffic wasn't nearly as bad as I anticipated. The day before my family was supposed to attend a dinner in Huntington Beach, but couldn't even make it a few blocks from our place because of all the traffic pouring onto side streets, the result of the 57 Fwy being closed. Fortunate for us on Sunday, the wind was blowing in the opposite direction as was the case all weekend, such that though Diamond Bar was closer to Brea flames, Fullerton actually had way more smoke and ash. Our house was fine, but my heart goes out to those who weren't so fortunate.

While all this was happening, I kept thinking to myself that Diamond Bar makes the news for all the wrong reasons. We're a quiet little city that no one really notices us. But more recently we've made headlines for the suburban houses fronting illegal marijuana factories, then it was how our backyard may be home to the next LA football stadium, and now the Freeway Complex fire.

I suppose in our case, no news is good news.

Gas Prices. Downturn Silverlining!

2008-11-13T10:03:00.000-08:00

Wow, I filled up my tank this morning and spent less than $30 bucks! Gas was only $2.29! Hallelujah! I have noticed that I do considerably less driving and have been more conscience of my spending, which is one of the benefits of not having any discretionary money. On a related note, I still occasionally wonder why the State increased the speed limit several years back from 55 to 65mph? The lower speed limit seemed to be safer and saves gas.

_________

There's a SUV I see around my neighborhood every so often. It's a black Infinity Q56 with a Prop 8 sticker on the back window and a personalized license plate suggesting the power of positive thinking. But what struck me was the license-plate frame which humbly boasts: "Driver carries no cash...treasures stored in heaven." Really now? I didn't know you could actually drive heaven? Don't get me wrong, I do think a person can drive an expensive car and be a Christian, but if you're going to put your beliefs out there, it's fair game.

Thoughts About Election Night

2008-11-11T22:55:00.000-08:00

First a disclaimer: My views don't necessarily represent those of Epic Church nor its staff. I realize there are good people, and a good many of people who may differ with me on who should have been the next president, as well as differ on the various issues at stake. I simply wanted to journal somewhere about what I experienced a week ago tonight on Election Night.

I was actually at a conference in San Diego with other pastors from around the country. After dinner, a few of us headed to the Karl Strauss Brewery next door to our hotel to catch the final results and to witness the speech of our next president.

Ken Fong of Evergreen LA, Jospeh Tseng of Vision Church in NYC, DJ Chuang of Leadership Network/L2 Foundation, and I saddled up to the bar with a big screen TV in front of us. I thought it was a pretty electric atmosphere in the full restaurant...most everyone was fixated on the election coverage, including the hosts, waiters, and waitresses.

When Obama finally made his way out onto the stage at Grant Park, I turned to Ken and observed, "He looks humbled, he understands and is appreciative of what's just happened to him." Obama's speech was certainly one of the most moving I've ever heard. At once humble, gracious, inclusive, determined, and inspiring, I was impressed at the way he was attempting to pull Americans together, appealing to those who voted for him, and especially those who didn't. As the cameras panned the crowd throughout the speech, it was apparent all the people in tears...no doubt overcome with joy at the historic outcome, but also, I think, with tears of hope, hinting at all the pain many Americans are feeling...hope that things can change. I thought it was a beautiful moment.

A few nights earlier on Charlie Rose, NBC News' Tom Brokaw called Barak Obama 'the first postmodern president.' And that really resonated with me for a lot of different reasons. Obviously he's the first black president in US history. But his story - born to a Kenyan father and Kansas mother, growing up in a single-parent home, raised by his grandmother in Hawaii - in his own words somewhat of a 'mutt', and certainly not the usual person of privilege. His use of language speaks well to this generation. Then there is his bottom-up approach influenced by his community organizing work, and his open approach to foreign diplomacy. When you add the results of what exit polls suggest, that Obama won the election among minorities, women, and young people - all of this seems in part to support Brokaw's keen assertion.

Later that night back in my hotel room, one of Charlie Rose's guests commented on something an ordinary American had said at one of the polling stations: "Rosa Parks sat so MLK could walk so Barak Obama could run, so Americans could fly." It may have been lyrical, but poignant nonetheless.

Today, I read a really good op-ed in the LA Times "A Vote Too Late For Obama" that I think captures well what I've been thinking and feeling in the week since, except that I did vote, and glad that I did. As we've taught at Epic, our ultimate hope can never be in an office, or a government, or a nation. But for one night, I had that unfamiliar feeling: I was really proud to be an American.

Say It Ain't So, Nic

2008-11-11T22:22:00.000-08:00

This morning I awoke to an article in the LA Times' announcing that Nic Harcourt, DJ and Music Director of the famously-influential KCRW radio station was moving on after 10 years of hosting 'Morning Becomes Eclectic.' As I wrote on the station's blog, his leaving is bittersweet for me. Certainly no one can fault a person who wants to devote more time to their children while pursuing new creative endeavors (as the Times noted). But I will surely miss his familiar voice and especially his UK-influenced taste in music. I discovered everyone from M.I.A. to Coldplay to Corinne Bailey Rae to The Go! Team to the Arctic Monkeys from MBE over the years. Especially cool were his "in-studio" guests to close out most of his shows. Thanks Nic for 10 great years, my ears will never be the same!

Favorite Reads

2008-10-07T10:52:00.000-07:00

As requested, here are some of the books I've referred to in recent messages and some I have not, but rank as some of my favorites. Enjoy!

Theology:

"The Gospel According to Judas" by Ray Anderson - Erin's and my beloved professor at Fuller. His theology undergirds everything we do at Epic. I couldn't be a pastor without his insights. This is his most accessible writing, about the extend of God's grace using a fictionalized dialogue between Jesus and the famed betrayer. At once beautiful and moving. (For the more serious student of theology, check out Anderson's "Soul of Ministry," his theological treatise, and the must-read "On Being Human.")

"The Mystery of Marriage" by Mike Mason - the best book on marriage I've ever read. Profound in every way, on nearly every page.

Memoir:

"Sacred Journey" by Frederick Buechner - Quite possibly my favorite author of all, and one of the reasons I could be a minister and stay human. First in a trilogy of memoirs both honest and heartbreaking, but ultimately hopeful. Buechner shares about his own father's suicide and daughter's bout with anorexia, and mostly about the mystery of being human. Start here, and if you like, keeping reading with "Now and Then" and "Telling Secrets."

"Grace (Eventually)" by Anne Lamott - Right up there with Buechner. Raw, earthy, and sacriligeous (I love it!), but always sweet with grace. Her stories about raising her son as a single mom are priceless in their honesty and hope. A book every parent should read, really. Start here, and if you can't put it down, also pick up "Traveling Mercies" and "Plan B."

"Drinking: A Love Story" by Carolyn Knapp - A book that changed my life. Best book on addiction I've ever read, honest and painful. It's not about the alcohol, but about the hole in our hearts in need of love.

"Blue Like Jazz" by Donald Miller - not particularly deep, but enjoyable, often poignant musings on faith by a skeptic, sprinkled with humility and humor. See also "Searching for God Knows What."

"Irresistable Revolution" by Shane Claiborne - Not down with the title, but nevertheless a challenging read about practicing justice as a lifestyle and the power of grassroots faith, with terrific stories about getting out there and asking boldly.

Non-Fiction:

"Devil in the White City" by Erik Larson - Winner of the National Book Award. A completely captivating and haunting story of two men whose lives intersect at the 1893 World's Fair in Chicago; One of the best books I've read - Ever.

"In the Heart of the Sea" by Nathaniel Philbrick - Another winner of the National Book Award. Before the Titanic, there was the Essex. Another fascinating and engrossing tale of coincidence, fate, and humanity at brink's end.

Fiction:

"The Poisonwood Bible" by Barbara Kingsolver - Such a compelling story come to life it reads like non-fiction. Narrated ominously from the perspective of a wife and three daughters, a very tragic and humorously perceptive telling of a minister's family in Belgian-colonizied Congo in the mid-twentieth century.

"Unaccustomed Earth" by Jhumpa Lahiri - The Pulitzer Prize winner's latest, this time an intimate, subtle, and human telling of the longings and disappointments of the Bengali-immigrant experience through the eyes of the second-generation.

The Simple Way

2008-08-13T20:41:00.000-07:00

I don't read many "Christian" books anymore, but I kept running into this one, so to speak, or it kept finding me. I decided to purchase it as a gift to a missionary friend of mine because I heard it was good, so I thought I'd better pick up a copy and read it myself too, in case it wasn't. Come to find, it's a really terrific read, challenging, and worth discussing with others. I understand why people thought I might like it. Though he tends to share more about successes than failures, the things that turn out versus the things that don't, I find Claiborne courageous, and well, ordinary as he likes to put it, which makes his story really hopeful for all of us. I find his take on the small and unassuming refreshing (considering Epic's story of growing smaller and smaller), and his redefinition of success as relationship, not bigness, a welcomed find (considering again, Epic's emphasis).

Anyone who has traveled to Iraq and on a whim spent a summer with Mother Teresa has the chops to say something. His story about his time in Calcutta alone is worth the read.

He is the co-founder of The Simple Way community in Philly.

Some notable takeaways to journal here so I don't forget them:

"Mother Teresa offers us that brilliant glimpse of hope that lies in little things: 'We can do not great things, only small things with great love.'" (p. 319)

"It is easy to fall in love with the great things, whether we are revolutionaries or church growth tacticians. But we must never simply fall in love with our vision or our five-year plan. We must never fall in love with the 'the revolution' or 'the movement.' We can easily become so driven by our vision for church growth, community, or social justice that we forget the little things, like caring for those around us." (p.319)

"Not too long ago, I was speaking at Princeton, and some of the students asked me how they were to choose which issue of social justice is the most important. The question made me cringe. Issues? These issues have faces. We're talking not only about ideas but also about human emergencies. My response to the well-intentioned Princeton student was, 'Don't choose issues; choose people. Come play in the fire hydrants in North Philly. Fall in love with a group of people who are marginalized and suffering, and then you won't have to worry about which cause you need to protest. Then the issues will choose you.'" (p.293)

"We can admire and worship Jesus without doing what he did. We can applaud what he preached and stood for without caring about the same things. We can adore the cross without taking up ours. I had come to see that the great tragedy in the church is not that rich Christians do not care about the poor but that rich Christians do not know the poor." (p.113)

"Mother Teresa always said, 'Calcuttas are everywhere if only we have eyes to see. Find your Calcutta.'" (p.89)

The New Sin City?

2008-08-13T20:16:00.000-07:00

Pretty much everyday I pass by the local Chuck E. Cheese on the way to and from the 57 freeway with its smoked windows, blinking lights, and promises of a good time. I pretty much can't stand the place, and one of the beautiful things about my kids getting older is that they no longer desire to go there.Just the other day I was thinking, man, Chuck E. Cheese is the Las Vegas for kids!

Consider the parallels:

1. Overstimulation. Enough said.
2. From the inside, you can't tell what time of day it is outside.
3. So-called stage "entertainment." [By the way, what's up with the rat mascot?]
4. The place sounds like a casino.
5. You leave your money: You buy $20 worth of tokens, the kids hit the "slots" accumulating 100 tickets in half an hour, all redeemable for a plastic spider ring and other worthless &%#*!

Epiphany from Guyville

2008-07-24T18:00:00.000-07:00

I found the article on Liz Phair (LA Times, 6/22/08 , "Liz Phair's Ambivalent Return to 'Guyville'") fascinating for a variety of reasons. It recounts the reaction many women did and still have to that seminal post-feminist record, but also the backlash and accusations toward Phair since then, in many cases by those same women, for "selling out" and desiring more pop and mainstream exposure. Equally riveting is Phair's own assessment fifteen years later, adding that when she listens to "Guyville" now, "My heart goes out to the person I was."

But there was a comment written by Times Pop Music Critic Ann Powers (who wrote the story) that in particular caught my attention, an epiphany of sorts, about how I see, and how I see Epic.

Powers writes, "What Phair and the rest of the world didn't expect was just how many women would hear "Guyville" and think, hey, I live in a man's world too, and it's a problem. In situations where equality is assumed but men still dominate, women occupy a strange space between the center and the margins. They can express opinions, but they're not dictating the terms of the conversation."

I'm not so dense or blind to realize that it is a man's world still, and that is a problem. What struck me is that even in a community like Epic where we are trying to remedy gender inequality both internally and in the world at large, I had still missed something important. Though unconscious of it, I realized that I was mostly giving women what is akin to expressing their opinions. And to be fair, I do really want to know what they are thinking and feeling. But that is still a far cry from making space for and encouraging women to dictate, inform, and influence what we talk about (our agenda) and how we decide to talk about it (the process).

There's no doubt that there is much inequality at Epic and men still dominate (the illusion of equality is not assumed here), but I thought we were also making some headway. But this quote made me step back and reassess, at least as far as this was concerned. For all my so-called progressive thinking and sensitivity about such things, I feel ashamed that I had fallen so short in this case of valuing and empowering women in our midst. I had failed in letting them be equal partners in showing us the way forward. Somehow I thought giving everyone an opportunity to share their opinion was empowering, and to a degree it is. But I suppose that's part of the problem. It is only a degree, not a shift of power. It is one thing to ask women for their opinion no matter how sincere, quite another to allow them to dictate the content of conversations and determine the way we should have them.

This was not for a lack of want, I don't believe, on my part. But I had functioned with a sizeable piece missing (some may say it's my brain!) from my viewpoint and pragmatism. In that way, the article has changed the way I'm beginning to see, and hopefully, act, too.

I'm not there yet, but I've begun to quote Ann Power's comments to women and asking them to share with me how true that viewpoint is or is not from their experience. And I've enjoyed every minute listening to their stories, their reflections, their feedback, their suggestions. I've begun encouraging women to suggest to us what it is they think we should be talking about and how exactly we should go about having those discussions.

As I think about our church board and our community as a whole, I have a feeling that there is a good probability that we would talk about different things at Epic and talk about those things differently if women determined too what it is we should be discussing and the best way(s) to have those discussions. I have a hunch that the women would produce a different kind of agenda. And then maybe we'd also be a different and better kind of church community because of it. And maybe, just maybe, at least here at Epic, our man's world would be less a man's world and more equally a woman's world, and we would all be the better for it.

To read the full article click here

Mission-Tiki Drive-In

2008-07-23T13:21:00.000-07:00

There's always a couple of things we try to do each year, mostly for nostalgia-sake, like going to Dodger Stadium, Disneyland, or camping in Yosemite, things Dorene or I did when we were growing up. It's just such a wonderful feeling to now share them with our own kids. One of those nostalgia walks is to take in a movie at the drive-in. The Mission-Tiki in Montclair (I know that sounds far, but from Diamond Bar it's actually pretty close, about 15 minutes away) and is one of the few still operating. It's also safe, relatively inexpensive, and best of all, they show first-run movies. The kids get in their PJ's, we pack up some snacks, roll out the sleeping bags, and pile into the back of the 4Runner. Last night we saw Wall-E. Pretty amazing considering hardly any dialogue (the movie that is). If there's a message (and there usually is in these Pixar films), it's as Joni Mitchell says, "You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone." So appreciate and take of what you have. I felt like we did that in some small way last night. On a side note, the other thing I kept thinking while watching the movie was that Eve sure looked like she could be an Apple product (future or otherwise), like the iEve. No wonder Wall-E falls in love with her!

Annie Premiere

2008-07-23T13:03:00.001-07:00

This summer, our little thespians are in the sold-out Stagelight Family Production of Annie. Here they are for the opening gala party (Allison won the "gypsy coat," given to two outstanding cast members!) and the after-party [with friends, and Charis with big brother Jarron). We're proud of them!

Coldplay Opening Night

2008-07-15T11:22:00.000-07:00

Quite a day yesterday. Stood in line for four hours for an iPhone (something I said I would never do). All the time wondering, "Doesn't anyone work? It's Monday morning!" But once I got in line, I was committed. Partly because I was desperate too (Water damage ruined my phone a few weeks back and I lost everything!). As four-hour lines go, this one went by faster than I imagined (maybe just a rationalization for being insane) mostly because of the tight community I had built with complete strangers around the shared misery of unrequited love.

But I have to admit the greater highlight ended up being Coldplay on the opening night of their worldwide tour. Dorene and I sat straight back in Loge 1, pretty decent seats at the Forum (but the picture doesn't do it justice...OK, great phone but still junky camera apparently).

I've taken to their new album with Brian Eno, different themes, less falsetto, and was curious what kind of cocktail this would create with the rest of their songbook. If Chris Martin's comment out of the blocks ("This is our first concert since we became a new band") served as any clue about the direction of their tour (and career), the band left no doubt as they subsequently worked through six of the opening eight songs from their newest release Viva la Vida! including "Violet Hill" and the title track. It was not only a gutsy move to make a statement with their newest and most accessible singles that early in the show, but it was also an indication of where they were hanging their hat. It paid off.

I've had the pleasure of seeing each of their previous tours. This show, anchored by the new songs and considerable soul-searching between albums, has translated into a more layered sound, the music more textured and substantial, the presentation more ethereal and advant garde. Martin's voice was noticabely stronger and better and more confident. Even the old favorites like "Trouble," "the Scientist" and "Fix You" seemed to go through a reinterpretation in the new framework. Giant mood balls hanging from the ceiling, paired with the darker tones in the lyrics, resulted in a sometimes psychedelic, even beatlesque feeling in the arena, hinting at the more troubling times in the world outside.

Still they wouldn't be Coldplay without the soaring athemic attempt to inspire and connect with the audience as good-natured, self-deprecating, everyday blokes, something that makes Martin an especially endearing frontman. The new stuff still works in an arena, and the band's choice to join the crowd in the "cheap seats" at one juncture for "Yellow" and "Death Will Never Conquer" was a clue we had turned a corner for the evening. As the confetti fell over the crowd during "Lovers in Japan," simulating cherry blossom petals falling delicately from heaven, Spring had arrived at the Forum. When the band led out with joyous resolve in the finale "Death and All His Friends," Coldplay left you with the sense that whatever doubts or demons may exist, hope is there too, for them as a band, and also for us.

Lars and the Real Girl

2008-07-15T11:07:00.000-07:00

Finally saw this movie, it's been sitting on the top of my TV for a week after my friend Kevin at Solidarity recommended it. But it was Mike Itagaki's comment during our board meeting that the film was not unrelated to what we're trying to do at Epic that really piqued my interest. It's a great film, alternately funny, heartbreaking, and sweet, sometimes in the same moment. The premise sounds strange and perverted, but the story is not really about a man's obsession with a sex doll (really!), but about a community loving someone back to health. Mike was right, it is a fable for Epic.

My New Best Friend

2008-07-04T00:07:00.000-07:00

I was in Dallas in early June. I had the privilege of being invited to the inaugural Asian American Pastors Community facilitated by Leadership Network in partnership with the L2 Foundation, an organization committed to development of next gen AA pastors. [I laugh, because I've apparently been doing 'next gen' ministry for about 20 years now, except that the people remain in their 20's but I keep getting older! Why is that?]

The commitment to this thing is two years, a commitment I realize now is as much to the rest of the guys as it is to the process of leadership development.

If you know me, you know I'm totally cynical about conferences in general, and meetings with pastors in specific. So as we gathered for introductions, I was already feeling a bit skeptical about the whole thing when it came my turn to speak, and I said as much: "I'm grateful for being here, but I hate these things..." Right after I said it, I thought, "Crap, this sure is a nice way to make friends in a hurry!" I immediately regretted saying what I did, which was exasperated by the fact that for the next hour or so, people kept coming up to me to make sure I was OK, that I wasn't going to jump out the window or something.

Because of my response, however, the facilitator asked me to comment on the festivities we were about to begin that morning, as I stared at the long list of topics on the white board that promised to make our ministries bigger, better, faster, stronger. I was honest, I admitted I needed to give the process a chance, but that I also preferred that we just share our stories, and trust that from relationship, we would really resonate with some people and the "agenda"would emerge from friendship, mutual respect, and trust.

Well later, one by one, the other pastors came up to me and said that they appreciated what I said about being cynical. Apparently I was in good company. One of those guys was Brian Kim from Newsong NOC. We joked about how terrible it was that our churches were barely 100 yards from one another but it took being in Dallas to have a decent conversation.

Actually, Brian and I had lunch when Newsong moved into the college auditorium down the street two years ago. We crossed paths again at a Solidarity event, but that was about the extent of our interactions.

So after reconnecting, we sat down for lunch together. As soon as we got our food, I felt led to ask him about the long-distance relationship between our two churches. Was there any desire/expectation from him that we would be partnering in anything? I knew I hadn't initiated from my end.

Before he could answer, I admitted to him that Epic had just spent the last three years working so hard on having an identity, working so hard just to feel OK being Epic [and not Newsong, or Evergreen, or Mosaic] that quite frankly, I felt threatened that any partnership with Newsong might eat into that hard work. That's terrible, I know, but also very real. I felt bad about it, but that was the honest truth. Brian went on to share how on the flip side he was gun shy to initiate because of his experience with others when he did try to extend a hand. To others he told me, he couldn't just be Brian from Newsong NOC. He was always Brian from NEWSONG, as if there was a big behemoth behind him. I told him I needed to repent because that's the way I responded to him. He went on to tell me how much he admired Epic and what we were doing, which really meant a lot to me.

All I can say is that something happened at that lunch, I know for me, and I think for him. Something healing. Something good. I had found a kindred spirit.

Later that evening, after dinner, we hung out with two other guys from the conference at a cigar lounge in town (can I say that?). On the way over, I got to hear more of Brian's story, about his growing up in the 'hood, about his family, about his brokenness, about his way back to God, about his heart for people, hurting people, and his commitment to justice. I realized how much we shared similar experiences, similar hopes, similar values, similar perspectives. Plus he was just flat out a hilarious guy and fun to be with.

By the end of our time in Dallas, I half-jokingly told the rest of the group that Brian was my new best friend. Half-jokingly, of course, because I knew it was mostly true. God had done a healing in my heart. I knew that God might do something in our friendship and in our churches in our little corner of Fullerton.

All of this happened, I realize, because Brian and I shared not about our successes, but about our failures and struggles and doubts. It happened because we were able to get past assumptions to the real people we are. It happened, I realized, just the way I imagined it could when I put my foot in my mouth at the first session.

This past week, I rejoiced in knowing that part of the wonder of the Tony Campolo event was the event itself, this is obvious. But probably not so obviously, was the backstory of what happened a few weeks earlier that made it all possible. Thanks to Brian. Thanks to God.

[Thanks also to Leadership Network, the L2 Foundation, and DJ Chuang for a wonderful time in Dallas...it wasn't so bad after all =) It was great...appreciate you including me!]

Yosemite Vacation

2008-07-02T21:17:00.000-07:00

In mid-June, we took our summer vacation to Yosemite. It was our first trip ever to the Valley without our regular camping companions The Wong's, but they are expecting in September (so I don't blame them). It was nice since the kids got out of school a week earlier than most kids, and it was noticeably less crowded, the weather milder, the waterfalls full. We hadn't been here in four years, and with the kids that much older, they were able to help with the tents, hike on their own, ride their bikes, swim, and roast their own marshmallows. We spent the week enjoying being a family after a long school year, and for me, my reprieve before going "solo pastor" with Erin starting his well-deserved sabbatical. The vacation also ended up being just what the doctor ordered. I had been sick for over a month, and still not fully well going into the trip, but it is amazing what plenty of sleep, eating well, fresh air, and a little exercise will do. Of course, all it took was one week back on the job to have a relapse, but the vacation was a pleasant reminder of why we love Yosemite so much.

Evening with Dr. Tony Campolo

2008-07-02T11:23:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday was a historic evening of sorts for Epic. We had the privilege of tri-hosting Dr. Tony Campolo for the night who spoke to us not only about God's preferential favor for the poor, but challenging us that God's true liberation is listening to the voices of the poor, of advocating for the poor, of allowing the poor to shape our national agenda because this is where and from whom God truly speaks and is speaking. To give our lives to this is what it means to live in the kingdom. He spoke in his typically animated way with plenty of impassioned spray (I know, I was in the front row!). Dr. Campolo surprised us by closing with his famous but beloved story, "It's Friday, but Sunday's coming!" which hearkened me back to when I first got introduced to his teaching as a college student in the early 80's. Having Dr. Campolo here on the campus with us was truly an amazing privilege.

The evening was equally celebratory because of the partnership between Newsong NOC, Wilshire Ave. Church, and Epic. I joked during the festivities that I really, really liked the partnership that was forming. Newsong got Tony, fed us, led us in worship, and got the program together, Wilshire Ave provided the facilities and childcare, and Epic? Well, we brought the watermelon!

Seriously, it was a terrific event, and was so fitting for the three churches to join together around the issue of justice and our common love for the City of Fullerton. I love, respect, and enjoy working with my friends pastors Brian Kim of Newsong NOC and Kirk Mackie of WAC. We plan on meeting soon about how to partner further together.

On a side note, I was thrilled to personally meet Dr. Campolo and get a chance to have him sign my book, "A Reasonable Faith" which I first read as a Fuller student in Dr. Ken Fong's class. This is where Campolo writes, "His humanity was the fullest expression of His deity. In Jesus, everything that God is was revealed and everything that a human being is supposed to be was fully realized and both of these were one and the same." When I handed him the book, he said, "Wow, this is an old one!" I told him, "But it's one the best you've ever written, Dr. Campolo."

Catching Up

2008-05-28T11:33:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged for about a month, but here are some highlights and lowlights from May.

1. Went to see Estelle and John Legend at the Temple Bar in Santa Monica...great show, loud, and a lot of fun! But what a fiasco with the tickets! I won't tell the whole story here, but I had tickets, then I didn't, so I canceled the ones I had that supposedly weren't the right ones, but found out later probably would have got us into the sold-out show anyway. Regardless, I raised a stink over the phone, so the guy on the other end said, "Just come down, tell Earl the security guard that Dexter said to let you guys in." "Do you want my name?" I asked. "No, just come down." Yeah, I know. But we got in :) Props to Earl and Dexter (who ended up being real people), and to Temple Bar for letting us in!

I couldn't believe we were actually this close to THE MAN!

Me and Kev Mo-Wong at Musha's for after-show dinner.

2. Got our new hardwood floors installed downstairs, creating a week of disruption, but we're happy with how it turned out.

3. Managed to get rear-ended on the way to house church.

4. Attended the homosexuality conversation at EBCLA. I have connections with all three panelists, with Ken and Gary being good friends and Marian having done Dorene and my pre-marital way back when, and in general just appreciating her perspective over the years. I knew that with those three the evening would actually be an honest conversation among friends (just overheard by 300 others). I wanted to be a friendly face in the crowd. Read more about P.Ken's thoughts on his blog

5. Got a chance to spend a week in Oahu doing some speaking at New Hope Diamond Head, for their Living Waters pilot and also the young adult group. Got to meet and eat with lots of great people from the church including Pastor Fernando, the LW leadership team, and pastors and leaders from the young adult group. Also got to see Pastor Rob Okimura, Loriann Yukihiro, and family. Thanks a bunch to Eddie Wada for inviting me to "sow into the ministry there" and for putting me up, getting me a car, and pretty much taking care of me the whole time. I don't think we ever finished any conversation before 1AM, but it was worth it! Thanks also to Karen Yonemoto for hanging out with me on Friday, and introducing me to a bunch of her friends from First Pres Honolulu. It was fun catching up (and getting lost...twice)!

For Charis, I went to the beach :)

For Jarron, I had Waiola Shave Ice (our favorite)

Friends from New Hope Diamond Head
I made them take this picture as proof that I actually did some ministry!

6. Got back from Hawaii, had back-to-back board meetings, and crashed...10 days now being terribly sick with a cold and still counting....ugh.

31 Flavors of Irritation

2008-04-30T23:56:00.000-07:00

Not sure how many of you visited your neighborhood Baskin Robbins for their (I think annual) 31cent scoop day to benefit local fire departments. We went last year, and waited about a half hour to get our creamy goodness. But since we live in-between two Baskin Robbins (not literally, but equi-distance between two), we decided to try the other today hoping for a shorter line. Turned out to be a bad move. We get there about 6:20PM where a decent line has already formed around the building, significantly longer than the one we stood in the year before. Because I'm a badly fallen creature, I'm already thinking in my mind, "We shoulda went to the to other store." I'm especially nervous because I have to be at an important meeting in Yorba Linda by 7:30PM. I have my doubts we're going to get our ice cream in time, but my wife is confident we will. This is not surprising, she is the one with more faith.

The line inches along, and between my constant glances at my watch and my kids beginning to wear down as the whining cranks up, I'm getting both paranoid and irritated. One of the owners (looks like it's a family-owned franchise) starts to make her way up the line with a cup of gummy bears, asking people to guess how many, with the winner getting a trip to the front of the line. At first this is cute, an attempt to entertain the crowd. But she does this a couple more times, and because we keep losing, it gets old fast, and I get a little peeved, one at myself for guessing incorrectly, but also for all the people being escorted to the front of the line in front of me. Doesn't anyone know I have an important meeting to attend at 7:30PM where we will talk about matters of the kingdom of God and the future of orphans!?

So anyway, we finally near the promised land. We can actually see into the store now from the side window. And it's here that I discover why the line is so freakin' slow - the sight of all these people holding their miniature-sized pink spoons sampling flavors! My God, it's 31 cents! Live a little, take a chance! OK, I get over it. We're almost there. In front of us there are five kids who are together, unsupervised, with no parents, and then it's our turn. Another one of the store owners stands at the door as bouncer/doorman letting people in one party at a time like this is a Hollywood nightclub. At this point it's already past 7:00 PM. But I'm going to make it. Just then, another family with stroller in tow is let in ahead of the family with no parents, winners of yet another guessing game back near the end of the line. Great, just great.

But it gets better. Then some kid in line begins to dance for the gummy bear lady. Gummy lady motions to the doorman to turn up the boom box that is on the chair behind the door. I couldn't make out what she says, but suddenly a handful of kids midway back break out in all form of dance, trying to impress the gummy lady turned judge. After a kid does the worm impressing everyone in line, gummy lady tells the kids they can all go to the front - all nine of them, including their parents!!! So into the store they march, what seemed like at least a dozen of them, in front of the jackson 5, in front of us. I immediately roll my eyes in disbelief, and then look straight at doorman and say to him, "Come on, man, this is ridiculous." A family directly behind us is irritated too, but they're much nicer, easier going, but even they lend their support, "We've been waiting here for 45 minutes," they let doorman know.

But wait, there is still more. I'm not even over the dancing kids getting a scholarship to BR when the next thing you know gummy lady is back asking anyone in line if they can produce a movie ticket from their purse or wallet? Wouldn't you know it, there are five more people who appear out of nowhere who are more happy than they have a right to be at this moment, escorted to the front door. Inside, I'm almost livid now. This is ridiculous. Freakin' unbelievable. It's also 7:15PM. Eventually, doorman lets the jackson 5 in, then us, then the family behind us all before the movie buffs, because, I want to believe, I made a stink about the injustice of waiting so long for ice cream and maybe, looking as miserably as I could muster. Once inside, of course, the other owner is incredibly nice, as is the cashier, as are the firemen who are scooping our ice cream. Once I get to the car, I feel a tinge of regret being such an ass about the whole thing and secretly vowing that I would never frequent this particular BR ever again. I suppose ice cream does have a way of softening you up a bit.

In the end, I do get to my meeting on time, and it goes really well. Later when I get home and begin reflecting on the day, I feel increasingly crummy for being so easily irritated earlier at Baskin Robbins. "Why can't I be more patient, less uptight, a better model parent?" I chide myself. But then I begin writing about it here, begin to recall more clearly why I got so ticked off in the first place. And I have to be honest, after review, I feel more than a little justified. It may not have been pretty, but the way things turned out, including expressing to doorman how unhappy I was with the day's festivities, turns out to be pretty sweet.

Getting Past Past

2008-04-25T15:33:00.000-07:00

Reading a review in The LA Times last week, I came across this intriguing quote by Faulkner: "The past is never dead. It's not even past." It rings true. We are historical beings, the present culmination of our cumulative pasts. In that way, our past lives on inside us each new day making our past ever present. Our past lives on as memories, happy and nostalgic to be sure, but also in our soul wounds, both consciously and unconsciously. Faulker was right, our pasts are never really dead, but continually shape our future because they are alive and well in us up to the present moment.

As a pastor in particular, and I suppose just as a human being, I have attempted to assist others in getting past their past however feebly. My theology informs me that we all share a common brokenness as homo sapiens attempting to become human in a fallen world in which we sin, in which people sin against us, and just a lot of unwelcome crap, fairly and unfairly, knock on our door. My experience has led me to believe that to deal with one's past is really the only way to have any decent kind of future at all. As a person who comes from a broken home, marked by alcoholism, infidelity, and the like, and in my own forays and struggles with anger, sexual addiction, depression, and general insecurity - I happened to realize many years ago that if I didn't deal with my broken internal world, I was destined to ruin every relationship that mattered to me - including the one to myself. Years later, to no surprise to anyone I'm sure, I'm still a recovering sinner, and will always be, with my past ready and willing to rear its ugly head at anytime, threatening to ruin my today.

As Eugene Peterson once wrote, "The biblical fact is that there are no successful churches. There are, instead, communities of sinners, gathered before God week after week in towns and villages all over the world. The Holy Spirit gathers them and does his work in them. In the communities of sinners, one of the sinners is called pastor and given a designated responsibility in the community. The pastor's responsibility is to the keep the community attentive to God."

As pastor/sinner (that might look nice on a business card!), I've tried to help a community of sinners stay attentive to God by staying attentive to him myself, however imperfectly, and also acquainted to their pasts by sharing my own, even as that past continues to unfold week after week in not so pretty ways. Partly because what choice do I have, but partly because I believe therein lies our hope.

I've come to the conviction that in Jesus Christ our pasts can be healed and redeemed. Not even God can change our pasts, but he can and does help us feel differently about those pasts. He can help us react differently, respond differently, choose differently in the present by helping us face our loses, our hurts, our injustices of the past. And he gently but directly encourages us to leave all of that past stuff at the cross where we in turn find love, comfort, acceptance, and peace in those wounded and painful places. This is the power of the cross, this is the hope of the resurrection. Our pasts go in on one side of the cross and come out the other - the same past, yet different - a redeemed past. And more importantly, what is different isn't just our past, but us. If Faulkner is right, we are our own living past. But because we see our past differently now through the eyes of God, we are different too. No longer tethered to our hurts in a way that hijacks our present, we move on in freedom, empowered to choose the good, empowered to choose the way of love and forgiveness, instead of the way of fear. After all, if we are the cumulative total of our past, we are adding a new chapter to our past each day. And it can be a happier, healthier, more healed story.

That's why I am often saddened, and occasionally frustrated, by the number of people I meet and travel with, who for whatever reason can't or won't deal with their past, even as it wrecks havoc on their present. So many hurts, so much pain, so much damage, so much inability to be honest, to have deep friendship, to know real acceptance - but without facing the past, no significant change either. The past is never dead. It's not even past. How true.

Frederick Buechner said this in the introduction to one of his books, "In these pages I tell secrets about my parents, my children, myself because that is one way of keeping track and because I believe that it is not only more honest but also vastly more interesting than to pretend that I have no secrets to tell. I not only have my secrets, I am my secrets. And you are your secrets. Our secrets are human secrets, and trusting each other enough to share them with each other has much to do with the secret of what it is to be human."

I have found that the only way to share our secrets is to first face our secrets, which of course is another way of saying we have to open up the closet that is our past and take a look around inside. You can see inside because there is light there. But it's also dark. The grace of God is knowing he's always been there, that is, in our past, just as he is with us in the present. He is able to walk into our dark past that is now present in our hearts, or should I say throats to be more accurate - waiting to redeem them, and us. A past that is never dead can kill us, or it can make us alive. In the end the choice is ours. In a community of human beings sharing their secrets, there is Jesus among them. This is my hope for Epic. This is community as only community can be. Because through Christ, even the darkest stuff of our past can turn out to be the light that lights the way, making the past past.

El Sauzal

2008-04-21T01:32:00.000-07:00

Hands down, the best trip to Mexico so far! Here's a photo diary of Epic's visit with our friends at the orphanage.